


Never Tell Me The Odds

by KuriQuinn



Series: SasuSakuMonth2017 [6]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Childhood Friends, Drama, F/M, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Ino is a meddler with good intentions, Misunderstandings, Naruto is a pretty stand-up guy, Opposites Attract, Panic Attacks, Romance, Sakura is not a damsel in distress, Sasuke has the emotional range of a teaspoon, Social Anxiety, inosaku friendship, narusaku friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-03-02 23:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13328817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuriQuinn/pseuds/KuriQuinn
Summary: Sasuke never imagined he would be the type to follow a girl halfway across the world to go to college, but here he is...upsetting family tradition, sharing a dorm with a walking travesty that lives on ramen and trying to figure out what exactly baseball has to do with dating. [College AU]





	1. First Love

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:**   This story utilizes characters, situations and premises that are copyright Masashi Kishimoto, Shueisha, Shonen Jump and Viz Media. No infringement on their respective copyrights pertaining to episodes, novelizations, comics or short stories is intended by the author in any way, shape or form. This fan oriented story is written solely for the author’s own amusement and the entertainment of the readers. It is not for profit. Any resemblance to real organizations, institutions, products or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All fiction, plot and Original Characters with the exception of those introduced in the books, manga, video games, novelizations and anime, are the sole creation of KuriQuinn and using them without permission is considered rude, in bad-taste and will reflect seriously on your credibility as a writer. 
> 
> **Author's Note:**  I planned to write a long fic for SasuSakuMonth2017, with a chapter for each day. And then moving into a new apartment, family stuff and drama-drama-drama happened. So while I outlined the damn thing, I never posted it. So now, I'm rectifying that. I wonder if I can finish this fic before the  _next_  SasuSakuMonth lol.
> 
> **Beta Reader:**  No one but me just yet.
> 
> * * *

Chapter One: First Love

"Socially anxious," his mother calls it over tea with his aunt one afternoon.

Sasuke is curled up in the corner with a book and his plush green dinosaur, pretending not to eavesdrop as the excited shouts of his cousins playing outdoors drifts through the window.

Like most children his age, his cousins are loud and grabby, always insisting he share everything with them and refusing to respect his personal space or give him time to himself. Being around them for long periods of time makes the world feel too jumbled and disorganised; his skin seems to shrink and his mouth goes dry and it's an all around awful sensation.

They tried to force him to come out with them, today, but he pretended to have a stomach ache and eventually they left him alone.

He's pretty sure Itachi knows he's faking it, but his older brother would never betray him. Besides, he's gone off with Shisui and Izumi for the day, so even if he  _wanted_  to betray him, he couldn't.

"That will sort itself out when he starts school next month," Sasuke's aunt is saying, not bothering to disguise a disapproving sniff. Sasuke rolls her eyes, unbothered over her obvious judgement. He's not fond of the woman anyhow, and he's only ever had room to care about one person's approval, and that's his father.

Uchiha Fugaku is the head of an important company and often away, but when he is home he takes great interest in the development of his sons. Most of his attention falls on Itachi, of course, since Sasuke's older brother is going to inherit the company and the title of clan leader, so it's become a bit of a personal challenge for Sasuke to get his father's attention. Mother insists Father is just as proud of him as he is of Itachi, but Sasuke doesn't see it.

"It's not something that needs to sort itself out," Mikoto dismisses softly. "He simply needs to find the right friends. His father was just the same when he was young. I'm certain Sasuke will be fine once he meets someone he's comfortable with."

His aunt sniffs again in disapproval, obviously not agreeing, but Sasuke glances up and catches his mother's eyes. She winks at him, and he smiles back, glad that no matter what, Mother will always be on his side.

サスケ

He really wishes she were  _literally_  at his side a month later when he starts first grade.

Not even an hour in, and he finds himself faced with an unexpected horror: the undivided attention of other people. And that, mostly from the female section.

At the first recess, he is set upon by a crowd of squealing, frilly, wide-eyed creatures that crowd round him, cooing over his features and proclaiming their love for him

Sakura Haruno is one of them—the most notable, really, with her strawberry-coloured hair and green eyes that take up most of her face—competing with a little blond, blue-eyed girl. Each of them glom on to one side of him, tugging at his arms and apparently trying to rip him in half.

Sasuke reacts the way any scared six-year-old might, lashing out with fists and feet until both girls are in tears and clutching bruised arms. Their teacher hauls him away for a scolding, the other girls in the class proclaim him "mean" and the boys call him a bully.

But he's left alone for the rest of the day.

_If that's what it takes to be left alone, then I won't be nice_ , he vows solemnly while waiting outside the principal's office.

His parents aren't too happy about the whole thing, though. Mother looks like she wants to cry, which instantly makes him wish the ground would swallow him up, and Father shakes his head, a fate worse than any lecture he might give.

Older Brother offers him what might be an empathetic look, and pokes him in the forehead—which could be either encouragement or reprimand.

"The others will have forgotten all about it by tomorrow," Itachi tells him. "Try to have a better day."

Sasuke hopes that's not the case. He wants people to remember to stay away from him.

For the most part, they do, and his next recess is comparably peaceful. The girls still stare at him and giggle, but it's at an acceptable distance this time, which he decides he can endure. The other boys mutter amongst themselves whenever they seem him coming, but no one gets too close to him, as if expecting him to start throwing punches again.

And though he sort of wants to play hide-and-seek with the rest of the class at recess, because he is  _excellent_  at that game, he stubbornly sticks to his decision to remain inside and work on his math problems. If he approaches anyone, even just to play a game, they might take it as an invitation to bother him again.

Besides, he has trouble with math, much to his father's dismay, and he can use all the extra time he can get to practice. Itachi was the top student in his class at school, and Sasuke intends to follow in his footsteps.

He certainly doesn't expect to look up from his numbers to find Sakura standing in front of him, a resolute expression on her face.

"What do you want?" he sneers, uncertain of why she's here and a little panicked at the idea that she hasn't been scared off.

But then she bows her head and thrusts a small pastel-coloured plastic box out in front of her.

"I'm very sorry about yesterday," she tells him, her face obscured by the long locks of hair. "I didn't think about your feelings. Mama said to imagine what you felt like, and I imagined you were scared and stuff and maybe sad 'cos people weren't listening, and I promise not to do it again! Please accept this and forgive me?"

Sasuke considers her for a moment, suspicious of her motives and scowls. "I don't want your stupid bento. It's probably all junk food, anyway."

"It is not!" she cries, contrition giving way to injured pride. "Mama helped me make it and it's all fresh from our garden, look!"

She defiantly flips open the top and Sasuke notes that she's right—it's all onigiri and vegetables cut into animal shapes. And—six round, juicy looking cherry-tomatoes.

Sasuke begins to waver, because he  _really_  likes tomatoes.

Sakura appears to sense this because she inches closer to sit beside him, putting the box in front of him and staring down at his math problems. "You stayed inside to do  _work_?"

"I like to keep my mind sharp," he says, not really knowing what that means, but he's heard his father say it, so it must mean something.

Sakura frowns at one of his answers. "That's wrong."

"No, it isn't."

" _Yes_ , it is," she insists, and grabs his pencil. "Here, let me show you."

"I don't need your help!"

"Do want to keep getting it wrong?" she shoots back. "If I show you, you won't need help on it again."

He takes a minute to parse her words, and then scowls. "Fine. Show me."

"'Show me  _please_ '," she corrects bossily.

He glares at her, considering the merits of telling her to buzz off. But the concept of not needing help again in the future is too promising. Maybe after this, she'll leave him alone.

"Please," he mutters, half-expecting her to look triumphant or stick out her tongue at him.

Instead, she simply beams at him in genuine pleasure and chirps, "Okay!"

As if the only thing she really wants to do is help him.

_She's really weird_ , he decides as she pulls his exercise book closer to her.

"You don't have to be so grabby," he complains, sneaking one of the tomatoes and chewing at it sulkily.

She pauses at that, looking thoughtful, and then offers him a penitent look once more.

"I promise I won't be grabby with you anymore," she vows. "And I'll beat up anyone else who makes you feel bad again, okay?"

And that's…well that is  _so_  not what this is about. Even if it's sort of funny to picture this elfin, pink-haired girl beating someone up with her tiny, ineffectual fists.

But if it makes her leave him alone, let her go on thinking it.

"Tch. You're so annoying."

As it turns out, her fists aren't really ineffectual.

Later that day Inuzuka Kiba purposefully whips a ball the back of his head during physical education, and before anyone knows what's happened, Sakura has jumped the taller boy from behind. Clinging to his back, she beats him around the head, shouting angrily at him while the rest of the class stares in scandalised amusement.

It takes two teachers to pry them apart, and Sakura goes home with a split lip and a black eye, but she grins at Sasuke with a gap-toothed smile before leaving, and he can't help a minor note of awe. He's never really had anyone defend him like that before, and as strange as it is, it's kind…flattering.

Sakura is smart, and nice, and  _strong_. He could probably do much worse than her.

So, he grudgingly admits that maybe they can be friends—or something.

And that's that.

サスケ

She calls him "Sasuke-kun" when everyone else calls him Uchiha, and that should bother him because technically it's rude. But to him, it just feels like she views him as his own person, instead of an extension of his family. He's never had that before, given how large the Uchiha clan is—even his cousins only ever refer to him as "Fugaku's son" or "Itachi's brother".

In fact, when Sakura first meets Itachi, she doesn't lose her wits over him the same way everyone else always inevitably does. She is polite and friendly, but her kindness is simply the same she would afford anyone. It's Sasuke to whom she clings to nervously, and who receives her widest smiles.

Father is puzzled that Sasuke has made friends with a girl, but approves of the way they compete with each other academically. Sasuke's math has certainly improved, at any rate. And Mother loves having Sakura around—she says it's nice to not feel so outnumbered, though he doesn't know what she means by that.

They sit with each other in class for the rest of the year, eat lunch together during breaks and do their homework at each other's houses, elbows knocking into each other as they colour within the lines and trace their new  _kanji_  characters. She shares her bento with him every day (and he will never admit that her mother is a better cook than his own is) and on Valentine's Day brings him tomatoes instead of chocolates because he doesn't like sweets. If he brings her a box of white chocolate mice a month later on White Date, it's only because his mother forced him to. And if he sits there awkwardly patting her back while she cries about how she can't eat the mice because it would hurt their feelings, no one is ever to know that but him.

In the second grade, their new homeroom teacher makes the mistake of trying to seat them apart from one another. Something about it not being proper for boys and girls to sit together.

Sasuke kicks him, Sakura bites him, and Kiba complains, "Leave 'em alone! They're practically married anyway!"

It results in Ebisu-sensei calling both sets of parents, a conference with the principal and both of them being grounded from spending time together outside of school for a fortnight. This time father does have a lecture for Sasuke, cautioning him that if such behaviour continues he will not allow their friendship to continue.

But no teacher ever tries to separate them again.

Sasuke spends every minute of his two-week punishment trying to show everyone how much he  _doesn't_  care and how ineffective the chosen penalty is. He tags along with Itachi, rereads his favourite books and helps his mother in the kitchen. He even has his father show him how to play shogi, which is a rare treat, because Father is often busy with work. It's pretty much what he would be doing under normal circumstances.

But the whole time, he is aware of how unnaturally silent his world has suddenly become. Sakura's chipper, mile-a-minute commentary and excited exclamations and  _laughter_  are absent, and it bothers him.

Whatever his own personal realisations may or may not occur, the event seems to be the catalyst for everyone else to accept that he and Sakura are a package deal.

Their classmates unanimously decide that they are "boyfriend and girlfriend" (which makes him grind his teeth, but if it makes the other girls leave him alone, he'll endure it). Mother and Sakura's mother start spending more time together, giggling about "how sweet" he and Sakura are over tea (Sasuke thinks Haruno Mebuki might be a bad influence, because Mother is usually much more sensible). Father continues to frown thoughtfully over the whole thing, but reserves judgement as long as Sasuke's grades continue to be excellent. Itachi and Sakura's father tease about it good-naturedly, making Sasuke scowl and Sakura blush or protest loudly.

But as time passes and the more adept Sasuke gets at discerning the lack of malice behind the playful mocking, the more he thinks about  _it_. And the more he thinks about  _it_ , the more things begin to make sense.

He has seen how Mother and Father act around one another when they don't know he or Itachi are about. There is a natural easiness in how his parents are around one another, like two planets caught in each other's orbit (Sasuke is learning about the solar system in school!). There is a closeness and understanding there that he can't quite put into words; indeed, it seems like they barely even need words to communicate.

He's seen something similar when he visits her house and watches her parents interact; more recently he gets the same kind of vibe from Itachi and his best friend Shisui. It's something he's not sure how to put into words, but if Sasuke had to describe it, it would fall somewhere on the same spectrum of his dynamic with Sakura.

He feels at ease around her, able to relax and be himself, and somehow the way she'll nudge his shoulder with her own or grip her hand when they watch a scary movie that they probably shouldn't be watching doesn't bother him. She always seems to somehow intuit what he is thinking or what his intentions are, without even having to open his mouth, and in the same way he can gage her feelings just from the angle of her smile.

It's a bit scary, to be honest, but at the same time, it's a relief.

Sakura already likes him more than any other boy in the class, and he likes her better than anyone else in general. Neither of them have to deal with the tedious games of "who likes who" the rest of their classmates are obsessed with, and when he thinks of the future, he can very easily see himself being with Sakura "in that way".

Though he's a little fuzzy on the details of what "in that way" means, he's sure it's just a minor formality.

And so, at the tender age of eight, Uchiha Sasuke comes to the decision that when he is older, he is going to marry Haruno Sakura.

It's not an arbitrary decision; he's made a point of avoiding rash action over the course of his short life, and if anyone feels the need to question him, he has no problem pointing out the logic of his choice.

On a summer day when his mother invites Sakura to join their family at the beach, he calmly informs his friend of his decision while they build a sandcastle together.

Sakura listens, gravely at first, and then with a blush and a smile that makes his heart beat a little faster.

"Alright," she says shyly, even though he knows she is anything but. A moment later, she asks, "Does this mean I can kiss you whenever I want?"

Which causes Sasuke to balk. "Of course not. Kissing is gross."

"Can I hold your hand then?"

"No. Your hands are sweaty right now."

"They are not!"

Which leads to an argument, and ends with her pushing him face-first into the sand; he spits out tiny granules for a week afterward.

But to his mind, the affair is settled.

The momentous occasion of his proposal is over, and from that point in his life, Sasuke automatically thinks of Sakura as his future wife. As he grows older, he stops being able to even picture a future without her in it, and so he doesn't bother trying.

サスケ

The Plan is not without its obstacles, however, and the first one comes in the form of their primary school graduation.

As the schoolyear winds down, it becomes more and more apparent that he and Sakura will be split up at the end of their final year. Sasuke will be attending the prestigious and private Oto Junior High, while Sakura's parents are trying to find somewhere else for her.

"I don't think they can afford a place like Oto," she confesses glumly one day as she and Sasuke hang upside down from the monkey bars at the playground. "They won't say it, but I think they spent a lot of money paying my grandmother's hospital bills."

"So you can borrow money from my family," Sasuke suggests, ever practical at the age of twelve. "We have a lot."

Sakura shoots him a look he can't quite describe, and he doesn't think it's just because the blood is rushing to his head. "Thanks, Sasuke, but I don't think that's how it works." She swings herself up to the bars and disentangles herself. "I should go home."

There's a dejected note in her voice that he doesn't like. He's used to a Sakura who is always sunny and optimistic, who always finds some way for things to turn out. This sadness is like her giving up.

And that's a little terrifying, actually.

Graduation drifts closer, and Sasuke broods.

Mother asks him several times what's wrong, but he shrugs her off. Father tells him it's better to confront the things that bother him than to sulk, and in an uncharacteristic act of concern, offers to talk about it. Sasuke is so shocked by the offer that he refuses out of habit, and before he can change his mind Father hurries off to work with a look that's crossed between relief and dismay.

It's just as well, admitting how upset he is at the turn of events isn't something he thinks his family will appreciate. Being split up from Sakura feels counter intuitive, though he knows his parents won't understand. They're already having vague, casual conversations about the "natural way of things" and "leaving behind old friends to make new ones".

And it's not like he can explain that this is his future wife they're talking about, because Father will scoff and Mother will sigh in wistful amusement.

It's a conundrum, and he thinks of nothing else for a week, before Itachi mentions something in passing—something about scholarships for students who graduate at the top of their class.

_Sakura could_ easily _get that, if she was better in physical education_.

The next time Sakura is over at his house, building their Styrofoam model of the Pyramids of Giza, Sasuke pretends to knock a pile of papers over, including a brochure from Oto.

By some miracle, it's open on the page advertising the scholarships, and if he casually drops it on the table next to her, it's only a coincidence.

But Sakura's eyes seem a little brighter that day when she goes home, and he notices a determined improvement in her athletics classes after that. Wanting to help her practice outside of school as well, he suggests they take up martial arts together.

Of course, he phrases it as a challenge, as if he doubts her capabilities, which of course causes her to march home to her parents with a permission form at the local  _bujikan_  dojo, and then drag him to it, but he's okay with that.

During the examinations at the end of the year, Sasuke struggles with his own natural competitive nature. It would be best for Sakura if he put less effort into his studies, if only to ensure she gets the position of highest achiever in the class. But she would probably yell at him if she found out he  _let_  her win.

In the end, he puts as much effort into his exams as he normally would—and she beats him anyway.

Father lectures him about trying harder next year, but it doesn't matter, because the day after the results are announces Sakura phones him excitedly about the scholarship she was just offered.

The following school year, Sakura and Sasuke walk through the doors of Oto Junior High together, and Sasuke is sure that the status quo has been returned.

サスケ

Except it isn't.

Junior high involves meeting a whole new cadre of people (Ino, Shikamaru and Choji are the only ones who are accepted to Oto as well, the rest of their classmates dispersing to other schools around the city), many of them from affluent families and who view a newcomer like Sakura with disdain.

Though Sasuke repeatedly reminds her to ignore what other people think, expecting his friendship should be enough to keep her protected, she is anxious and more worried than she ever was about fitting in and being liked.

Sasuke notices in their first weeks that Sakura appears more conscious of her working-class background than she used to be, and much keener on proving herself. She signs up for every club imaginable—even some he doubts she has any actual interest in—and suddenly she's always asking him questions about her appearance.

"Do you think my forehead is too big?" she'll ask, prodding at it while she examines her face in his bedroom mirror. "It looks too big. Ugh, I can never find a hair style that makes it look less huge!"

"What does your forehead matter?" he asks, exasperated. "As long as it's protecting your brain, who cares?"

She looks at him like he's missing something obvious. "You just don't get it."

"Obviously."

It seems like a useless thing to fret about one's forehead, considering it's not something one can change about themselves. Better to worry about acne. He's started to get zits more and more lately, and it's the most tedious, irritating bodily function he's had to contend with yet.

"Just wait," Itachi tells him mysteriously when he points out this very complaint.

Luckily for him, Ino is there to help navigate the complex social hierarchy that is  _girls_ —more specifically  _rich_  girls—and Sasuke doesn't have to turn his brain into an Escher painting to figure out how to help Sakura.

Not that he wouldn't if Ino wasn't there, of course, because he'd pretty much do anything for Sakura.

But it's a bit of a relief to know that he doesn't have to. Whatever blackmail or witchcraft Ino used to achieve it, Sakura is suddenly one of the most popular girls in their class and once again the teachers' favourite student.

"It's not witchcraft," Ino rolls her eyes at him when he, in an uncharacteristic expression of sociability, thanks her for everything she's done for Sakura. "She's just  _nice_. People are always eventually warmed over by that. You should try it every now and then."

"I'm doing it now," he retorts.

"Great, that only took you ten years," she deadpans. "Should I expect your next burst of human warmth when you hit the quarter-century mark?"

He glowers at her and saunters away, making a mental note not to break his policy of avoiding Ino when Sakura isn't around. It's easier to ignore her sharp tongue and too-knowing eyes when they're in a group, and to his surprise, Sasuke finds himself part of group outings more than he ever expected.

Sakura always invites him along, and he always grumbles about it, but inevitably, he is waiting for her at the appointed time and place.

_Just to keep anything from happening,_ he tells himself each time, before spending the entire time avoiding actual conversation.

Later, she will yell at him for not even trying to be a little friendlier, but they both know that she doesn't mean it. It might irritate her sometimes, but Sakura would never actually force him to speak to someone he doesn't want to. She actually gets angry when other people try it.

Eventually, everyone in their class realises that inviting Sakura means inviting Sasuke, and the majority of invitations stop. Only their core group of friends, mostly from primary school but a few new faces as well, continue to hang round them with them—the ones who recognise that Sakura-and-Sasuke are a package deal.

Again, he falls into an established arrangement that he finds acceptable. It means less time trying to fit in socially, and more time playing video games in Sakura's living room.

(He's not allowed to play them at home, and she has some great games.)

He doesn't monopolise all of her time, of course. There are days when she needs space from him or he from her, and they both seem to sense when such a time approaches. Sakura still has Ino and her other girlfriends that she spends much of her time with, and he doesn't have to worry about them the way he does the boys in their class.

At least, he doesn't think so.

Sakura has never indicated an interest in girls, and he thinks that he'd know by now if she did. It's something that would have come up, and besides. He has a pretty good sense about these things. He's suspected about Itachi for years and personally, he doesn't care one way or another himself. Man or woman doesn't matter to him; if Sakura had been a boy, he suspects he would feel the same way toward her as he does now.

In any case, time away from Sakura means spending time with his brother. It used to be Itachi would take him to the archery range or practice kendo with him, but he's been away a lot more since starting in university.

Almost as socially hesitant as Sasuke, he's recently made a bunch of new friends that he is always out studying with. For some reason the mere mention of them makes Father bristle with disapproval and Mother sigh, even as she makes futile suggestions that Itachi invite them to dinner one day.

Without Itachi or Sakura to turn to, Sasuke finds himself seeking connections beyond his brother and best friend. To his surprise, the prospect isn't as daunting as it was when he was younger.

Somehow, it's easier to connect to the others now that there's no expectation beyond that. He and Nara Shikamaru strike up an acquaintanceship of sorts, mostly due to both of them being on the chess team at the behest of their fathers, and there's a quiet boy with dark glasses who likes bugs that Sasuke partners with in science class.

サスケ

When Itachi comes out as gay to their parents, Sasuke's carefully constructed world is thrown off its axis. He's not sure what bit of news is more explosive—that Itachi prefers the company of men, or that he's decided to give up his future in the family company in favour of opening a restaurant.

Father is apoplectic and Mother fearful, and the whole thing ends with Itachi packing a bag and moving out.

"Come see me at Shisui's whenever you want," his brother tells him before leaving him with a poke to the forehead and a sad smile. Immediately Fugaku insists Sasuke is never to see his brother again and Mikoto clutches at the baby picture of Itachi on the table in the hallway and that's the last anyone speaks of the matter under their roof again.

But the next day Sasuke heads straight to Sakura's house and when she opens the door, can't help himself from reaching over and wrapping his arms around her. Sakura goes completely still in shock, but a moment later relaxes and holds him back, just as tightly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks, breath tickling his ear, and holding him tighter when he shakes his head.

He's vaguely aware of Mebuki and Kizashi moving around in the background, but for a while he can pretend there is no one there but himself and Sakura.

Eventually he does pull away, re-establishing some boundaries, and she gently coaxes the story out of him.

"Your parents will come around," she says later while they lie head to foot on the floor of her room.

"Have you  _met_  my father?" he challenges, scowling at her ceiling. "He hasn't gotten over the invention of the computer."

"I  _have_  met him, thanks," she retorts, mirroring his sarcasm back at him, "and I know that he's very proud of both his sons and this probably took him off guard and scared him. So, he's reacting the only way he knows how."

"It really wasn't a surprise."

"I wasn't talking about your brother running off with Shisui. I saw that coming, and I don't even  _know_  the guy beyond what you and Itachi said about him," she replies. "I think your dad had already given up living in Denial-Land by the time all this happened. But giving up the position he's been groomed for all his life to go work in a restaurant? I think that's pretty damn scary for your parents."

Sasuke is silent, processing her words, and for the first time in twenty-four hours feeling his spine relax.

He has a bizarre urge to laugh.

Because of course Sakura has no reservations about the whole drama beyond the impact of Itachi's sudden career change on his family. She doesn't have to think about what this will do to the family reputation, how the rest of the clan will react, if it will effect business relationships or stocks or any of it…

She's trying to play mediator for the collectively rumpled feelings of the Uchiha family and talk him into cutting his parents some slack. He doesn't really agree with her, but finds he loves her all the more for her efforts.

It's the first time he's used that word to describe how he feels about Sakura, but immediately knows it to be true.

Not sure how to articulate that just yet, he stretches out his hand in search of hers and entwines their fingers. That will have to be enough for now. He's too emotionally ruffled right now to face another dramatic conversation.

The story doesn't spread immediately, but within a week, there are nothing but whispers and gossip. There hasn't been anything in the local news yet, so Sasuke supposes the other students learned of the story from their parents, who are either business partners or shareholders within the Uchiha Company.

People are staring at him a lot more, too, and he knows why: with Itachi stepping down, Sasuke is now the one that will one day run the place.

He's  _more_  than a little bit terrified.

サスケ

Sakura's final scores on the high school entrance exams are the best in the country, so good that once again she is offered a place at the high school of her choice. Naturally, she chooses to attend Ootsutsuki International, the same school Sasuke will be attending.

For him, there is no choice—everyone in his family has attended the prestigious academy, and with Itachi disowned, there's more pressure on Sasuke to take his place. Ootsutsuki is a place for making connections and forging relationships that will be beneficial in the future.

High school is again new world, though, and here the laws of class are somehow much more pronounced.

People once again flock to him, but it's not because of his looks this time so much as the fact his family owns a company that makes the Fortune 500 list every so often. Some kids start to care about that stuff early, though he makes it clear rather quickly that he still isn't a fan of fair-weather friends or just people in general.

Unable to tempt him to join the clubs and cliques of the wealthy and affluent, most of the other students leave him alone. Except for the girls, who become even more relentless in their pursuit of him and treat Sakura like she's invisible.

It's irritating, but not half so irritating as the other boys.

Boys who start to notice Sakura.

Boys who did not attend their primary school or junior high.

Boys who don't know that Haruno Sakura is spoken for and who shrug off Sasuke's glares like they're nothing.

(To be fair, he glares at most people, and it's possible that people have become accustomed to it by now. But it's the principle of the thing—common human behaviour dictates that when another person is glaring at you, you stop engaging in the behaviour that makes them glare.)

Sakura laughs it all off, and politely eschews their attentions, or verbally dissuades the more stubborn would-be-suitors. Outwardly, Sasuke stays out of the whole thing—he trusts her to make her own decisions and deal with it in her own way, not rely on him to tell her who she can and cannot talk to—but inwardly he is anxious.

She never agrees to dates, at least not that he knows of, but he has been around when a hopeful boy will nervously sidle past him and suggest an outing, phrasing it in a certain elaborately casual way that prompts her to accepts. Sasuke can't fault her for it—where he hates being around large groups of people, Sakura thrives surrounded by people, and one day she might grow tired of his taciturn nature and seek out someone more like her.

Inevitably, though, Sakura assuages those doubts, because without fail, even when she spends an afternoon out with her friends (and the hapless would-be-suitor), she always shows up at his door with a wide smile and that soft look in her eyes that he imagines is just for him.

So this, too, becomes an element of their relationship that he just accepts.

Not everyone seems to understand the latest developments, however. His parents appear to take Sakura's increased absences and hanging out with other people as some sort of sign.

Around the time he begins his final year of high school, Sasuke's parents begin the puzzling practice of inviting his father's business partners and their families over for dinner. Usually families with girls that are his age, and who smile coquettishly at him over dinner while he tunes out and wonders if Sakura will be awake later to go over their homework with him.

Eventually, he realises that it's all a ploy, and his parents are trying to arrange a future match for him.

"I know what you're trying to do," he tells them one evening after their guests (and their dark eyed, too-sweet daughter) leave. "And it will stop now. I have no intention of marrying any of these girls, now or ten years from now."

Father's jaw clenches at being caught out.

"You'll do what you have to for the good of this family, and this company," his father retorts.

"No," Sasuke replies, "I won't."

"Sasuke," Mother begins, entreating.

"I don't have time for this nonsense," he says. "Besides, when the time is right, I'm going to marry Sakura."

"You'll do no such thing," Father replies. "You have responsibilities now, and that doesn't include entertaining a childish fantasy of true love."

"There's nothing childish about it, it's the most practical choice I can think of. And if you continue to disapprove, I'll follow Itachi's example," Sasuke decides. "Unless you want to leave the company in the hands of Cousin Obito, you won't fight me on this."

"You don't think I won't disown you, too?" Father demands.

"Fugaku!" Mother snaps.

"I think you will do what you think is best, Father."

"You'll be penniless."

"I'm not afraid to work to support myself. And Sakura will be a doctor one day. We won't starve."

Mother looks between the two of them, turning pale at the resolve on both faces, and steps in between them.

"Enough of this," she says, the sharpness in her tone making even Father flinch and look a little shame-faced. "Sasuke, darling, you know that we care for Sakura, but a relationship like you're talking about…it's different from what you have now. It's much more…" She struggles for the word, and ends with, "Complex."

"I'm aware that there would be changes as the relationship evolves," Sasuke says.

"Say we allow you to continue your relationship with her," Father interrupts. "And I'm not saying we will. I have half a mind to forbid you to see her again after tonight." Mikoto clears her throat in warning. "I said half a mind, I didn't say I would." He scowls at Sasuke. "What guarantee do we have that you're not just…" He flounders as well, but more awkwardly than his wife did. "Fooling around?"

"We're not."

"You're a seventeen-year-old boy, of course you would say that if your parents ask," Mother points out.

"It's the truth," Sasuke replies. "Do you imagine I have time for that between studying for school and learning to run the business?"

He barely has time to masturbate these days, not that he'll be telling them that.

"What about…" Mother begins, then turns red, glancing at her husband in something like apology or resignation. "What if you and Sakura were to have an accident? I've never asked before, if you're using protection, but—"

"We're  _not_  having sex," Sasuke replies, proud that he's able to keep his tone level even as his ears and neck burn at the topic of conversation. "Why would we jeopardise our futures? We're in high school. We both need to be accepted to good universities to ensure we can one day support ourselves, and we can't do that if we're expecting a child."

His parents exchange looks then, and he watches them both visibly relax at this.

"Perhaps we should talk this over a little more," Mother suggests. "If you explain our intentions…we will listen."

Father continues to look disapproving, but he too nods and allows Mother to lead them into the kitchen.

That night, Sasuke does his best to explain his feelings on the subject, as well as the future he envisions for himself and Sakura. He can tell neither of them are quite sold on the subject yet, but in the end, Father says he will reserve judgement indefinitely.

"And we won't say anything about it to Sakura until you're  _sure_  this is what you want to do," Mother says, and the look she shoots father clearly says "or else".

Sasuke smiles at her in gratitude.

サスケ

After that day, his parents seem to accept that they can't make him budge on this. For all their initial opposition, he thinks they might be relieved. Father no longer has to worry that his second son might share the proclivities of his first (in either personal preferences or career path), and Mother always did want a daughter. She's liked Sakura for ages.

"Good for you," Itachi says when Sasuke visits him and Shisui at their restaurant; it's a hole in the wall dive they got a loan to afford, but neither seem bothered by the work that will be involved in getting it running. "You stood up for yourself."

"Sounds like your girlfriend's rubbed off on you," Shisui smirks, shoving a paintbrush in his hand.

Sasuke scowls. "She's not my girlfriend."

He absolutely hates that word, along with the concept of dating or going steady. It all seems so childish to him.

"Oh, I'm sorry…what's the preferred term nowadays? Lover? Partner? Paramour? Fuc—"

Sasuke chucks the paintbrush at Shisui's head.

"Billions of men in the world, and you chose him?" he asks his brother.

"That's not quite how it works," Itachi replies placidly.

"In any case, it sounds like you're getting way ahead of yourself, kid," Shisui goes on. "How do you even know she'll  _want_  to marry a twerp like you?"

Sasuke scowls at the implication, and Itachi flat-out laughs. "You've never met Sakura-chan. Although, in all fairness, little brother, you might want to make sure she  _does_  feel the same before you start making plans or asking her parents for permission to marry her."

"I don't have to worry about that for years," Sasuke dismisses. "We haven't even started university yet."

Itachi looks knowing, but doesn't say anything.

A week later, Sasuke understands why.

It seems that in all of his careful planning and attempts to ensure his future coincides with Sakura's, he never considered the idea that she might want to follow a different path than what he dreamed of.

The day she comes to him with her acceptance letter from Harvard, he is so stunned he can barely think. He doesn't even notice her leave afterward, as all of a sudden, his carefully constructed plan of the future begins to crumble.

Nothing goes the way it was supposed to after this.

つづく


	2. Something More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **AN:** So, I was going to wait for next week to post this, but I had another bad day that has left me exhausted and unable to update  _Telanadas_. So, lucky you guys, here’s a chapter I already had written in advance. I really, really hope tomorrow is a better day. For the sake of this story, I’ve ignored actual time between application deadlines and acceptances to university, as well as the possibility of second round applications. Because they got in the way of the story :P
> 
>  **Warnings:**  Mentions of Ino/Shikamaru, but they aren’t endgame.
> 
>  **Beta Reader:** No one but me just yet. 
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

Haruno Sakura is in love with Uchiha Sasuke.

As Jane Austen might have said, it’s a “truth universally acknowledged” by everyone they know, except perhaps the Uchiha boy himself.

Sasuke is either utterly oblivious, or even willfully ignorant, of the depths of Sakura’s feelings for him. Oh, she knows he cares about her in that inscrutable way of his—if he didn’t care about her, he wouldn’t spend so much time around her. He tolerates the presence of other people, but he is always relaxed and at ease around her. Still, it’s been the challenge of a lifetime trying to figure out if he likes her  _that way_.

“You could just ask,” her best friend Ino has suggested on more than one occasion, but Sakura is quick to refuse. She values her relationship with Sasuke far too much to jeopardise it by saying her feelings out loud. Besides, if everyone else accepts it, it’s just a matter of time before he does too, right?

But at the same time…she’s a little lonely.

It’s not like she dates, not really. There have been offers, of course; from junior high and high school classmates, and once from a cute redheaded boy on the train. All of them have been nice guys, people she wouldn’t have minded spending time with or getting know better. Except…

 _Except none of them are Sasuke_.

None of them make her stomach flip-flop just being in the same room, or fill her with a feeling of intense joy at the sight of the rare, tiny upward turn of their lips. No one has his dry sense of humour, intelligent in a way that goes above most people’s understanding, but can put her in stitches with just the right tone. No other boy would patiently endure her propensity for taking selfies of them and posting them to Instagram, or be proud of her when she beats him on a test. Or when she flips him over her shoulder in martial arts class. No other boy would unflinchingly buy a pack of tampons for her when her period arrives unexpectedly while on an outing with friends or ignore the patch of drool on his uniform when she falls asleep on him during their train rides to school.

Those closely guarded moments make it easier to cope with the stories her girlfriends tell of their own forays into romance.

“He’s not bad for a first boyfriend,” Ino says of Shikamaru.

“I like how you say  _first_ ,” Sakura teases.

“Hey, I intend to have at least a dozen before I have to be married off to some boring corporate drone that my parents like,” Ino sniffs; her family owns the most prominent chain of flower shops in the city. “They’d like nothing more than if I  _did_  marry Shikamaru one day, since our families have always been friends. But he’s so  _mellow_. He can’t even be bothered to argue with me—just gives up!”

“Then why are you still with him?” Kasumi wants to know.

“He’s a good kisser,” Ino admits, her casual tone belied by the light blush on her cheeks. “I’m pretty sure it’s just to shut me up, but…”

Her words are lost in a cacophony of girlish squeals as the girls demand details. All of this prompts a confessional of each of their own first kisses (and  _other_  firsts for Fuki and Ami), moonlit walks and exchanging promise rings.

Sakura reacts to all of this gossip with the appropriate amount of scandalised pleasure, but deep down has to hide the tiny, glowing ember of jealousy because she doesn’t have any similar experiences to share.  

And it doesn’t look like it will happen any time soon.

_It’s fine. Some boys take longer to mature than others, right? And Sasuke isn’t exactly the average guy_ _…_

Still, she won’t lie that sometimes she wishes he weren’t so ensconced in his own little world and actually reacted to things the way other people do.

サクラ

“Have you gotten any acceptance letters yet?” he asks one day, for once the one who breaks their companionable silence.

They are at the mall having a study-break before their cram school session, sharing a meal—or rather exchanging the food she doesn’t like on her plate for the dessert he didn’t want. Still, in some cultures that would be seen as the height of intimacy, but she knows Sasuke just sees it as the most economical way of eating.

“Nothing except for the University of Tokyo, which I already told you about. Why, have you gotten another one?”

“Hm.” He nods and chews thoughtfully at his omusubi. “Keio.”

“Oh! Congratulations, Sasuke-kun! That’s an amazing school!” She sighs then. “Wouldn’t it be great if we both ended up in the same place again? I don’t think I can imagine school without you since we’ve been together so long.”

Sasuke shrugs, not looking at her. “Tokyo has the better program, but Father will want me to go to Keio. The entire family has gone there.”

“Oh.” Sakura considers for a moment. “They do a second round of admissions though, right? Maybe it’s not too late to apply to Keio.”

She says it innocently, maybe a little hopeful, hoping to elicit an agreement or even an encouragement of her suggestion. Sasuke doesn’t answer right away. He has that small wrinkle in his forehead that suggests preoccupation. Just as she is about to prompt him to speak, she shoves his plate away.

“I’ve no doubt you could do it,” he says, rising from the table. He says it with the same certainty he always expresses with regard to her abilities. “Let’s go, or we’ll be late.”

She scrambles to her feet as well, tipping the last of her soft drink down her throat and hurrying to catch up. As usual, her fingers itch to reach out and wrap around his, but she holds back. Sasuke does not like to touch people in public, and never has. It makes him anxious and besides the day of their first meeting all those years ago, she never tries to force the issue. Sasuke will reach for her when he’s comfortable doing so, whether it’s a rare hug or offering her pre-warmed mittens in winter or wrapping an arm around her shoulder when she’s hiding under a blanket in the middle of a thunderstorm.

It’s just the way things are, and she tells herself she’s fine with that.

Until a conversation with Ino during the first months of senior year makes her question it.

They are camped out on Ino’s bedroom floor, surrounded by junk food and with a soppy romance playing in the background, while Ino lazily throws thumb tacks at a picture of Shikamaru. Their break-up hasn’t left her broken-hearted, per se, but Sakura suspects her best friend is miffed that she wasn’t the one to end things. Rather than complaining about him the way she might have been if she felt any remorse about the end of the relationship, Ino is more practical minded, discussing her “coping” plans for the future.

“I’m going to Harvard,” she tells Sakura. “Mother’s not very happy about it, she hates the idea of me going so far away, but Daddy thinks it’s a great idea. He’s already imagining being able to introduce his super-lawyer daughter at board meetings in the future.”

“I can imagine,” Sakura laughs. “You’re going to become a complete shark, aren’t you?”

“Who said anything about  _becoming_ ”?” Ino asks, bearing her teeth in a grin.

It’s already common knowledge that she has an uncanny ability to get her way in most matters.

“Fair point. Well, I’ll miss you when you go.”

“I think we should go together,” Ino declares decisively, as if they are just talking about taking a trip to the beach.

“To  _Harvard?_  I don’t know about that,” Sakura laughs nervously. “I don’t know if I’d be brave enough to apply there.”

“Why not? You’re brilliant, it’s not like you wouldn’t get in.”

“That’s not…I mean, it’s awfully expensive. And travelling that far away…I don’t know.”

“Why not try? The application isn’t due for another few months. You should send yours in,” Ino insists. “And who cares how far away it is? It’s an amazing school—best medical program in the world, right? And, more importantly, you’d be with me.”

“Yeah, but…” Sakura shifts and shrugs.

Ino sighs. “But Sasuke is staying here.”

“Probably,” Sakura agrees. “He wants to go to Tokyo University, but will probably end up at Keio.”

“Good for him. What does that have to do with you?” Ino wants to know, but before Sakura can speak, she interrupts. “You have to stop making life decisions based on a guy that barely acknowledges you!”

“What are you talking about? He acknowledges me all the time!”

“I mean acknowledging you as a woman, not his personal social buffer.”

“That’s not—that’s not what we are! We’ve been friends since we were kids, and we…well it’s…it’s just not what you think it is!”

“I doubt it’s what you think it is, either.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Let me put it this way…do you go over to his house a lot?”

“You know I do.”

“So, you’re allowed in his bedroom.”

“Of course.”

“With the door open, or closed?”

“Either.”

“Huh.”

The thoughtful noise makes Sakura pause. “What do you mean, ‘huh’?”

“I just think it’s interesting.”

“ _What_?”

“Well, either his parents don’t mind the idea of him fooling around with someone in his bedroom—”

“Ino!”

“—or, they know it’s something they don’t have to worry about at all,” her friend concludes. “And they’d only know that if he had mentioned it to them.”

“That’s…that’s ridiculous!” Sakura gasps, though an uneasy feeling creeps into her gut.

“And, you know, his brother’s gay,” Ino goes on thoughtfully. “That sort of thing runs in families sometimes, so maybe—”

“There is nothing wrong with being gay,” Sakura cuts her off sharply, frowning at Ino’s casual dismissal of Itachi’s lifestyle as a “thing”. She’s as protective of Sasuke’s older brother as he is, and even a hint of criticism directed at him makes her see red. “And if Sasuke was, he would have told me.”

Of this she is sure, because they tell each other everything. She’s the only one he has ever told of his feelings of inadequacy around his brother or his fear that he’ll never live up to his father’s expectations. Likewise, he’s the only one she’s ever confessed to about being terrified of failing in life, of being left behind while everyone else moves on to better and brighter futures.

They don’t have big secrets from each other.

Ino waves a dismissive hand, both an apology and indication to move on. “Okay, fine. You’re probably right. But what if he’s the other thing? You know, the one where you never want to have sex?”

“Ino that’s  _not_  how it works,” Sakura rolls her eyes. “If you’re going to be so small-minded, this conversation’s over.”

“Fine, fine…you’re clearly in too much of a stubborn mood to listen to me anyway,” Ino drawls. “Should we call up the girls and meet for karaoke? I feel the need to sing angry girl music, and since you’re too chicken to step outside your comfort zone, you might want to take advantage of hanging out with me while you can.”

Sakura scowls at her.

サクラ

In the end (and somewhat out of spite), she decides to apply to Harvard’s medical program. She doesn’t expect to hear back from them—it’s not like she’s a top student, after all, despite what a few academic awards and Sasuke’s insistence might have to say about it—and even if she does, she doubts anything would come of it. She wasn’t lying to Ino when she said it was expensive.

_At least studying in Tokyo, I won’t have to worry about putting pressure on Mom and Dad. And a train pass is less expensive than a plane ticket_ _…_

But their conversation weighs on her mind for several days afterward. Eventually tired of chewing it over in her mind, she tries to broach the subject with the object of her affections.

“Can I ask you something, Sasuke-kun?”

“You just did,” he replies, hunched over her kitchen table frowning at his Economics homework; outside, her parents are playfully arguing over the yard work.

“Very funny, you know that’s not what I mean.”

“Hm.”

She draws her shoulders in and holds her breath, preparing herself for the awkwardness of the ensuing conversation if this goes wrong.

“Do you…are you attracted to guys or girls?”

As usual, Sasuke disappoints expectation.

“Why does it matter?” he asks, punching something into his calculator.

“It’s…just a question.”

“And they’re just bodies. There isn’t much of a difference.”

“Besides the obvious,” she deadpans.

“Hm.”

He continues on his work without answering. Sakura scowls and puffs out her cheeks in frustration, before trying again.

“What I mean is, if you  _were_  interested in someone, would you be more likely to go for a guy or a girl?”

He pauses this time, glancing up at her in puzzlement, clearly having no idea why she’s asking this. A beat later, he seems to decide it doesn’t matter, because he shrugs and says, “Neither,” and goes back to work.

“Oh.” Sakura thinks on this, her stomach sinking. “So…you’re asexual.”

“I am not,” he replies tersely. “I never said that.”

“Don’t get offended!” Sakura hurries to say. “There’s nothing wrong with it—"

“I never said there was.”

“Then why are you so defensive?”

“Because you’re trying to label me as something I…” he trails off, eyes narrowed and cheeks red with embarrassment and maybe a little panic. Then he takes a breath and shakes his head, body going still and calm once more. “Never mind. This is a stupid conversation, and I have to finish this if I’m actually going to sleep tonight. If you’re going to distract me, I’m going home.”

“N-no, no, sorry, it was just a random thought,” she hurries to say. “I didn’t think it would…never mind. Want me to double-check your calculations for you?”

“…I guess,” he allows, albeit warily, like he expects more odd conversation topics from her.

She doesn’t bring it up again, but the interaction makes her curious, and causes her to pay better attention to their relationship.

And to relationships in general.

She begins to notice things, little details she never really thought too much about before. The way her girlfriends go on dates with their boyfriends and hold hands and wear matching sweaters.

 _Which Sasuke would never do for me, but that’s okay, because it’s kind of lame_ , she decides.

Her friend talk about future plans with their boyfriends, work around class schedules to find time for dates, and some like Kasumi and Unagi are already thinking about marriage. That’s more common for the kids that come from families that have large companies. They bring each other little gifts, even when it’s not Valentine’s Day or White Day or Christmas Eve, and tease each other with inside jokes.

 _Sasuke would never do anything like that_ , she muses regretfully.

That’s not to say he is stingy or unyielding; he has his own way of being kind.

When she was eight and was recovering from having her tonsils taken out, he snuck her out of her room so they could sit on the roof and watch the fireworks together on New Year’s Eve. They almost even held hands— _okay, it was just barely touching pinky fingers, but still!—_ and they might have been kids, but it was one of the most romantic nights of her life. She can’t help wish she had had the courage to kiss him then instead of just thinking about it.

And once, he showed up to a party she went to with Ino and the girls, where someone slipped something into her drink. She barely remembers it, but Sasuke apparently single-handedly took out three upperclassmen for harassing her and even broke one guy’s arm for it. A week later, every single one of them showed up to class with a bouquet of flowers for her and an apology.

(Which was a much lighter penalty than she would have given them.)

He really is more likely to make grand gestures, but she really wishes that, once in a while, he could make a smaller, more easily interpreted one.

“Sasuke-kun, why do you parents let us study in here with the door closed?” she asks, one afternoon while they prepare for their midyear exams. Her tone tries for casual.

Sasuke is sprawled across his bed on his stomach, looking rumpled and comfortable, while she sits at the plush swivel-chair by his desk, right beside the aforementioned door. 

“Because it’s quieter?” he suggests.

“Yeah, but…aren’t they afraid we might…I don’t know. Do stuff?”

He raises an eyebrow at her, clearly not following.

“Fool around?” she clarifies. “Watch movies on our phones, build a pillow fort, play twister, drink booze…make out?”

He frowns. “Why would we do any of those things? We have finals coming up.”

“Well, yeah, but…we could take a break,” she suggests. “I mean, if we don’t know it now, we probably won’t even if we cram.”

He considers this, and then nods. “Alright.”

“R-really?” Sakura gasps, having not expected that to work.

“A walk would help us clear our heads,” he decides, standing up and stretching.

Sakura resists the urge to knock her head against the wall. “I was…thinking more along the lines of us staying in here.”

“You just said we should do something,” Sasuke points out. “I suggested a walk. Is there something wrong with that?”

Her courage finally fails her, and she jumps to her feet. “Nope! Let’s go!”

Eventually she accepts the fact that Sasuke is the dumbest smart person she knows, and that the only way she’s going to find out if he feels the same way about their relationship as she does, is to have him state it, point-blank.

She finally musters the courage to do so, the day her acceptance from Harvard comes in the mail.

Holding the thick envelope in front of her, the typed note heaping praise on her and expressing excitement at her presence at their institution, as well as pointing out her eligibility for several different scholarships, Sakura realises it’s time to make a decision.

Here in Japan, there’s no shortage of offers from prestigious universities, something her parents are ever so proud of considering their low-income background. She could have her pick here, could go on to an amazing career and still be close to Sasuke.

But if it turns out that she’s been misconstruing his feelings for her and the nature of their friendship all these years, and she gives up on the opportunity that a globally recognised school could offer her? Won’t she regret that the rest of her life, too?

“It’s time to stop waiting,” she tells her reflection in the living room mirror, and sets off to confront Sasuke.

サクラ

Mikoto lets her into the Uchiha house with a smile on her face and an offer of bringing up tea for them. Sakura gives a wan smile, assures Sasuke’s mother that she’s not hungry and that she can’t stay long anyway—best have a reason to leave if this doesn’t go well—before hurrying up the stairs.

She finds Sasuke lying in the middle of his bedroom floor, reading a comic book that he stows guiltily when she walks in. Upon seeing that it isn’t one of his parents, he takes it up again.

“I thought you couldn’t come over,” he says. “Didn’t you have plans with Ino?”

“She had to stay after school for some kind of emergency with the graduation committee,” Sakura answers vaguely. “And I…I needed to see you.” _Talk to you_ , she corrects, struggling to find a way to bring up the subject. “I would have called, but…”

She trails off, but Sasuke makes a dismissive gesture; it’s been years since she’s called before showing up at his house.

Needing a way of bolstering her courage, she lowers herself to sit on the edge of his desk and reaches for the green dinosaur plushie that’s been there ever since she can remember. Mikoto told her Sasuke used it to protect him from the monsters under his bed when he was little; she hopes it protects her from the growing sense of fear in her belly.

“Sasuke-kun…”

“Hm?”

“Are we dating?” she asks him, blurting the question out before she can find another reason not to.

She expects a weighted pause, blushing and sputtering, possibly even nervous shifting in response.

But Sasuke only wrinkles his nose. “Why would we do something as ridiculous as that? There’s no point.”

And there it is.

Sakura feels like she’s just been punched in the stomach, her heart lurching painfully. The world seems frozen for a moment as she processes the unwanted implication of his words.

“What’s that?” Sasuke asks then, his voice breaching the inner stasis of her shock like cracks in a frozen window.

Numbly, Sakura looks down at the damned envelope that she set next to her, and it takes her a moment before she remembers.

“I got into Harvard,” she tells him dully, but her voice sounds like it’s coming from far away. His eyes go wide and he reaches for the envelope to examine its contents. She lets him take it, too busy trying to dislodge the feeling of being underwater. “I was…I have to make a decision and I…I needed advice.”

“About?”

“Well…well, it’s a hard choice,” she says, not looking at him and concentrating on enunciating her words. And maybe she misunderstood, maybe she should be a  _little_  clearer. “It’s so far away, and Tokyo  _does_  have a good program, and I was…I was thinking—”

“Are you kidding?” Sasuke interrupts. “Of course, you’re going to Harvard. They have the best medical program in the world. There’s nothing for you here, so you need to go.”

“Nothing…” she echoes, and she thinks she can literally feel her heart breaking into tiny pieces now. A lump forms in her throat. “No…you’re right. Absolutely nothing.”

She can’t hide the strain in her voice here, but she doubts he notices. Today, though, she doesn’t feel so able to sit there and tolerate it.

“I have to go,” she tells him, putting down the plushie erstwhile guardian. “I just came by to ask...to hear what you had to say. Thank you for the input. I have to…get home and help with supper.”

She doesn’t wait to hear his response, fleeing his room and his house as fast as her feet can carry her without it actually being classified as running away. She barely notices Mikoto on her way out, or the trek home, or even her mother’s greeting when she gets there. Instead, she makes a beeline for her bedroom and that when she finally loses her composure.

Sasuke’s dismissal of the nature of their relationship hurts as much as her realisation of her own failings.

_Ino was right._

Suddenly, the past decade of her life looks entirely different to her, a series of missed opportunities and willingly holding herself back. She has always put Sasuke and his feelings first. She has allowed her entire future to hinge on whether or not he loved her.

 _I can’t keep doing this_ , she realises.  _It’s unhealthy. Worse, it hurts too much._

Objectively she knows this, but she still cries herself to sleep that night.

サクラ

Sakura refuses to leave her room in the morning, somehow unable to face the future knowing what she has to do first. Her parents try to ask her what’s wrong, and she plays it off as stress, that having to choose between all these schools is overwhelming.

“Take a breath and think about it a few days,” her father says. “We support you no matter what you do.”

Instantly she feels guilty for lying, but she doesn’t want her parents to know that this is really all just about a boy.

A boy who soon grows aware that she’s avoiding him. After three days of blowing up her phone with text messages and one-line emails asking after her whereabouts, he actually comes to the house. Sasuke calling the house phoneline is a rarity in and of itself, but showing up to her door without her being the one to lead him in is rarer still.

Mebuki, perhaps sensing something is amiss, doesn’t just let him upstairs as she might be wont to do under normal circumstances. She knocks on the bedroom door, asking if Sakura might see him.

“I have a migraine,” she says, the lie made all the more convincing by the closed curtains in her room and blanket pulled over her head. “I’ll talk to him later.”

If her mother suspects either of those things are untrue, she doesn’t say it and Sakura hears no more about Sasuke after that.

But Ino arrives the next morning, into Sakura’s home and room in an impulsive way Sasuke would never venture. She throws open the curtains and orders Sakura to get dressed.

“Your mother called. She says you won’t even  _talk_  to Sasuke, which of course, is a sign of the apocalypse,” she declares, throwing a pair of jeans and a lumpy sweater at her. “We’re going out and you can tell me all about it.”

Sakura complains, makes excuses and even resorts to shouting childish insults, but Ino is unyielding. Eventually, Sakura pulls her clothes on in sulky silence and lets her best friend drag her from the house.

They take the train to Harajuku, a place Sakura is sure she won’t accidentally run into Sasuke, and over a plate of ice cream crepes, she haltingly relates the whole affair to Ino.  

“That giant idiot!” Ino declares loudly, earning curious glances from the people sitting around them. “I can’t believe he actually said that to you! After all this time—oh, the next time I see him I’m going to kick him so hard it’ll make his ancestors dizzy!”

“Don’t you dare!” Sakura snaps, fiercer than she expected. “It’s not his fault I got the wrong idea.”

“Yes, it is!”

“No, I’m the one who should have asked sooner, when I first started to…to feel the way I do.”

“So, the first day of grade school?” Ino retorts dryly. “Oh, yeah, I can see that working out great…”

“Ino…”

“Seriously, Sakura, you don’t have to be defending him anymore. He hurt you. You’re allowed to be mad and hate him.”

“But I don’t,” she protests. “Even if he doesn’t love me like I love him, I still care about him. I just…” She trails off and then lets her face fall into her hands. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“Maybe  _you_  should be the one to punch him in the d—”

“Ino!”

“Fine,” she sniffs.

They sit in silence together for a while, Ino moodily eating her ice cream and Sakura playing with hers until it melts. Eventually, Ino’s rage ebbs away, and she sighs.

“You already know what you have to do,” she tells Sakura softly. “For your sake, and I guess even for his. He’s never going to be able to function in the world while you’re holding his hand and giving him excuses not to try. Yeah, so you’ve never had a boyfriend because of him…but he’s never had to look at another girl or even another  _person_  when you fill up his female quota just by existing. Maybe this will be good for both of you.”

“Maybe.” Sakura doesn’t feel convinced.

“You have to move on.”

“I’m  _going_  to move on,” Sakura insists, and for a moment she sounds so determined she imagines she can believe it. After a pause, her shoulders slump a little. “But I can’t be around Sasuke to do that. If I see him again…if he’s around, I’ll lose my resolve. I’ll just go back to the way things were.”

“Now  _that_  is something I can help you with,” Ino muses. “And since you won’t let me cause him bodily harm, I’ll just relish in his misery this way.”

“I don’t want him to be miserable.”

“Tough. You’re miserable right now, so he deserves to be to. Now stop arguing with me. I’d much rather talk about Harvard. We’re going to share a room together, right?”

“Well, I…I hadn’t said I was going yet…”

As keen as Ino is to change the subject, she becomes much more protective of Sakura from that point on.

サクラ

The rest of the year becomes about protecting Sakura’s heart, and her friend seems to have decided that’s her job.

She invites Sakura for supper practically every night, and Sakura supposes she might have said something to Mebuki and Kizashi, because they are apparently aware of the new arrangement. Over the next few days, the doorbell rings and one of her parents will rise to answer, then return talking about a salesman or neighbour. Sakura knows from the strain in their smiles that Sasuke was the one at the door, and for a moment she feels guilt at not even speaking to him.

But then the reminder of the nauseous, wrenching feeling that hit her at how quick he was to tell her she ought to leave the country overwhelms her. And she knows she doesn’t have the strength to face him yet.

So she pretends she believes her parents and goes back to filling in her scholarship application.

At school, Ino and all of their other girlfriends surround her like herd animals protecting their young, guarding her from loneliness. They whisk her from class to class in a talking, giggling group that provides a barrier against any Uchiha that would play havoc with her heart.

She thinks Ino might have enlisted Shikamaru and Chōji too, because whenever Sasuke comes close to approaching her, one or both of them appear and distract him with something that apparently can’t wait. Then he’ll walk away, hands in his pockets and shoulders hunched.

After the first few times, he stops trying. He goes back to his studies and apparently seems to forget her existence. It would hurt more if she didn’t feel his eyes on her when no one else is looking.

She spent years hyperaware of any time he paid her the tiniest bit of attention, and to have it now makes her stomach jump. It’s not the same happy bounce she once would have felt, but an agonizing misery because of the truth behind it.

In the evenings and on weekends, she spends her time with Ino, as they plan how they intend to decorate their dorm room at Harvard (they’ve managed to find a room together) and what clubs they might want to join when they get there.

Despite the excitement of starting university soon, Sakura feels hollow every second. Even though she knows it’s necessary, she feels as if she is only going through the motions. The things that brought her joy before seem diminished now, and there is a very specific shaped hole in the fabric of her life.

And then one day, after three more weeks of this, Sakura’s carefully constructed defenses are breached.

Somehow, she is alone in the hallway, fetching a teacher’s forgotten chemistry book, when she turns the corner.

And there he is: stoic and beautiful as ever, posture utterly calm, but the way his eyes blaze at her she half-expects them to turn red. Chills travel up her spine and she feels the breath catch in her throat as he stalks toward her.

“Sakura,” he says. “What the hell is going on?”

He doesn’t ask why she is avoiding him, or what caused the change, but she can hear those questions in the one, angry sentence. In the same way she can hear his bewilderment and even, dare she say it, hurt.

That same agony that overwhelms her when she feels his gaze on her threatens her again now, only with an additional wave of guilt. She wants to tell him everything instantly, wants to pour her heart out, to confess her feelings, her feelings of inadequacy, her shattered hopes—

But the cracks in her heart have not yet mended. If she tells him any of this, he’ll either ridicule her or worse, spell it out with cool logic and expect her to get over it and return to the way things were.

And she can’t do that. Not this time.

This time she will be strong.

“I’m sorry,” Sakura tells him, mustering up an apologetic smile that feels waterier than it should. “I’ve been really busy lately getting things ready for school. It’s a big deal, moving to another country.”

She tries to play it off with a laugh, but he’s not buying it.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“Yes, it is,” she says, forcing herself to be firm. “I have to…I have to focus on my future, Sasuke.” It almost kills her to leave off the honorific. “And…and what you said was right. There’s nothing for me here. So, I’m going to go out in the world and find something more than…than this.”

She gestures vaguely, not sure what to call what they are—what they  _were_.

There’s a spark in his eyes, though, like he understands what she’s saying, and that’s when her courage fails her. She has to turn away before he sees her weakness, has to get out of here before he says something that makes her change her mind—

Fingers wrap around her wrist, and she shudders, because it feels like a current of electricity has travelled from his palm and made the circuit of her entire body.

“Sakura,” he says again, though her name is softer on his lips this time even if the grip keeping her from leaving is like iron.

She bites her tongue but does not turn around, even though her brain is alight with amazement and awe, because when does Sasuke  _ever_  voluntarily reach out to her in such a public place? Her heart is racing, she hears its thundering pulse in her ears, and her lungs hurt from not breathing right now.

_Maybe_ _…_ _maybe I got it wrong_ _…_ _maybe he does_ _…_

But then Ino is suddenly there, hooking her arm around Sakura and dislodging his hand. Two girls from the graduation committee glom on to Sasuke and try to drop hints to him about asking them to their last dance of the year. Sakura hears him grumble, sees him trying to shrug him off, but then she and Ino are around the corner and her friend is tugging her away at a run.

“That was close,” Ino tells her. “You were about undo all your hard work.”

“Yeah…” Sakura says shakily.

“Should I be making some horrible allusions about sparkling vampires and heroin?”

“It’s nothing like that,” Sakura retorts, clenching her firsts.

She doesn’t explain that it’s more like dying of dehydration and still refusing water.

サクラ

The day she and Ino say goodbye to their parents at the airport, Sakura half expects Sasuke to show up. She imagines him swooping in like what happens in the movies, whisking her off her feet and apologising profusely.

But in her mind she knows it won’t happen, because she hasn’t spoken to him since that day at school. She didn’t even tell him what day she was leaving. She wanted to—she even picked up the phone a dozen times before hanging up again.

After all, after avoiding him so long, what right did she have to say goodbye to him?

And more importantly, what if in saying goodbye, her resolve shattered and she did something stupid, like decide to stay?

No, it was better they didn’t speak.

It doesn’t stop her from being dejected when the plane starts to take off, the last of her tiny, fluttering hopes dashed.

She tells herself over the sound of her still-breaking heart that this is necessary—a new beginning.

 _I deserve something more,_ she repeats to herself.  _This is the only way I’m going to find it._

つづく

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> _Kudos to those of you who knew I wasn’t going to just let his be a happy, angst-free story :P Both Sakura and Sasuke have some growing to do, and they need to have a conversation…_
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> _クリ_  
>  **


	3. Chemistry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **AN:**  I am still not completely sold on this chapter, but it's better than what I had written before, so I'll go with it. Unedited. Also, burgeoning hints of NaruSaku in this chapter and this chapter only, but it's not endgame, and it's there for a reason.
> 
>  **Warnings:**  Description of panic attacks and associated symptoms; somewhat racist/ignorant comments from OCs, also lead-up to a physical assault which may cause victims of robbery/harassment/assault to possibly feel triggered. You have been warned.
> 
>  **Beta Reader:**  No one but me just yet.
> 
> * * *

Sakura's acceptance to Harvard is a shock, a sudden upset to Sasuke's carefully crafted future which he didn't see coming and didn't think to prepare for. She never even told him she had applied, and whenever they've discussed the future lately it's gravitated around the all-but-established understanding that they would be attending Keio together.

To know that she's thinking of going somewhere else, he is overcome by an instant, acute sense of panic.

Which is why when Sakura asks him for advice, he has to fight his first instinct, which is to tell her the one thing he knows would stop her from going: that she won't be able to handle it. Sakura has always had trouble with self-confidence, and if he were to tell her he doubted her abilities, she would instantly abandon the idea.

Within a half-second of thinking it, he immediately experiences a pit form in his belly and a shiver of  _wrongness_  up his spine.

Sakura is kind and good and smart, and she is more than capable of succeeding wherever she goes. One day she is going to be a world-renowned doctor, and she should go where she can get the best education possible. More than that, he thinks she would thrive in any of the college's programs. If anyone's happiness is important to him, it's Sakura's.

Though she isn't aware of his mental lapse, he tries to erase it by immediately telling her that she has to go.

But his brain is already racing, trying to figure out how he can let her achieve her own greatness without giving her up entirely. He barely notices her mutter something about dinner and leave, because he is on his computer, scouring Harvard's website and making notes about the admission process on a nearby notepad.

It's March now, and their graduation mere weeks away; the second round of applications is over. There is a third round in April, which means he would probably know for sure by May…which is not ideal, since third round applications mean fewer acceptances.

But it's an option.

Within a matter of hours, he has prepared his own application and portfolio and then picks up his phone to text Sakura—only to decide that it's better not to say anything until he knows.

 _She never said explicitly that she had decided on Harvard, and there's an infinitesimal chance I_ don't _get in. Getting both our hopes up will help no one._

No, it's better to wait and see. At least until he finds out exactly  _what_  her plans are. Until then, it's better to act as if Keio is still their default. If anything, he can ask her about it tomorrow.

Except, he doesn't see Sakura the next day.

Or the next.

With this puzzling fact compounded by Sakura not returning his texts or inquiring emails, Sasuke decides to head over to her house to see her. Not because he's worried (even if he is), but because her birthday is next week and he wants to make arrangements with her. There's an escape room that's just opened near the downtown core, and it looks like something they'd both enjoy.

When he gets to Sakura's home, he finds his way in barred by Kizashi.

"Sorry, Sasuke, Sakura's not feeling great today," he tells him, sympathy on his face but a strange firmness in his tone that leaves no room for argument. "She'll catch up with you when she's up to it."

The door is already closing on him before he has entirely processed this; puzzled, he turns and walks away from the house. It's almost unheard of, Sakura not wanting to see him, sick or not—he was even allowed to visit her the year she had mono. There are only two instances she ever refused to see him, both times when she had food poisoning.

 _Maybe that's what it is_ , he decides, shrugging off his uneasy feeling. And if it's not…well, girls are weird. However much he cares about Sakura, he's the first to admit that she has some strange quirks. Maybe she's doing one of those cleanse things he finds so ridiculous.

He'll ask her about it when she's back to normal.

サスケ

To his eternal shame, he doesn't notice until it's too late. By then, the damage is done.

It's not as though he and Sakura live in each other's pockets, so it takes him a few days before he realises that something is very wrong. By then, the new world order has been established and stretches into the final weeks of their school year.

She doesn't answer the door when he comes by on Monday morning, which he supposes means she's sick, until Mebuki tells him that she's already left with Ino. When he arrives at school, Sakura is ensconced on the other side of class, surrounded by a bunch of rambunctious girls and she doesn't even look at him.

He tries to speak to her between classes, but there is always a wall of chatting, laughing girls around, and when he gets close Shikamaru and Chōji are suddenly there to tell him the teacher needs to speak with him or Shino wants to go over their homework questions before handing them in for class.

It doesn't end there.

When he does work up the courage to try to breech the wall of people, with the eyes of everyone on them, she always has excuses not to meet him for studying or one of their rambling walks in the park. When he asks her about it by text or email, all he receives in return are one-word texts and emoji assurances that everything is fine or she doesn't have time.

Frustration mounts with every day that passes, and then there's that baffling encounter at in the school hallway. The chill-inducing news that she's moving to another country—that she has decided on Harvard after all—and her mystifying declaration that she intends to find "something more than…than this."

And then Ino whisks her away again.

Once he's recovered from the shock, Sasuke's brain starts working again, zeroing in on the common factor in all of this.

Harvard.

Girl friends.

Avoiding him.

 _Ino_.

The universe may be conspiring against him communicating with Sakura, but Ino is another matter entirely. They both take Economics this year, and so before she can pack up her books and head to her next class, he corners her.

"What did you do to Sakura?" he demands.

Ino gapes at him, first in shock, but this is quickly overtaken by anger. "Ex _cuse_  me? What did  _I_  do to Sakura? You're joking, right?"

"No," he replies. "She's avoiding me. And every time I try to ask her why, you and your cabal of nattering hens show up to keep me from getting near her."

Ino sniffs. "Then maybe you should take the hint."

"I want to know what's going on."

"She'll tell you when she's ready."

"No, you'll tell me, now."

"Or what?" Ino snaps. "You'll get your father to torpedo my family's company or something? You don't scare me, Sasuke  _-kun_. And even if you did, I still wouldn't tell you anything because Sakura doesn't want me to."

"I have a right to know what's going on."

"Why?" Ino challenges.

"Because she's…" he trails off, hesitating when it comes to finding the right word to describe what Sakura is to him.

Ino crosses her arms, frowning at him like she's trying to decipher something. "Is this you trying to convince me you actually care about her?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" he demands, because of all the stupid statements in the world, he never figured Ino to be the one to voice that particular one.

"She's my best friend, it's my business. And you're sort of my friend too, so let me give you some advice: if you care about Sakura even a little—more importantly, if you respect her, you need to back off. She's working through something right now and needs space, and every time you get close to her, you mess her up."

This brings him up short.

"Mess her up," he repeats, uncomprehending.

"You two need to learn how to be apart without falling apart," Ino goes on. "I won't argue that there's always been something between you two, but over the years it's gotten unhealthy. So, back off a bit. And trust her to approach you when she's ready to."

She sweeps away then, leaving Sasuke pondering exactly what she means.

The suggestion that his behaviour is somehow hurting Sakura gives him pause, as it's the last thing he wants. If what Ino says is true, Sakura will explain it all when the time is right. And it's entirely possible that Ino could be right about the other thing—if Sakura goes to Harvard, and Sasuke doesn't get in, then they will  _have_  to get used to being apart.

So, perhaps this is practice for the future. Looking at it in utilitarian terms like that, he can better accept it. He's still a little annoyed Sakura couldn't just  _tell_  him that to his face, and he intends to tell her so when he next speaks to her, but until then, he can give her what she wants.

Space.

He thinks.

Just in case, though, he accepts his father's suggestion of working a part-time data-entry job at the company during his free time. Father thinks it shows initiative, wanting to get to know the company before starting work there, and Mother says he'll learn how to network and make new friends.

"Better you than me," Itachi snorts when Sasuke tells him the news, and then forces him into an apron to help him serve during the lunch rush.

The whole ploy is only semi-effective. While Sasuke carries out his duties with ease, his work hours and study hours taking up whatever time isn't spent sleeping, he's very conscious that there's some element missing.

Some  _person_.

The last weeks of school rush by, and then exams, and then he's accepting his high school diploma. There's barely time to speak to Sakura at graduation—as valedictorian and the winner of several prizes that year, she has a lot of hands to shake and people to thank. Mother somehow manages to snap a picture of the two of them together, but there's about a foot of distance between them and the whole two minutes are sickeningly awkward. Sasuke is almost relieved when Itachi shows up to congratulate him, and suddenly the entire event is overshadowed by his father's glowering disapproval and mother's insistence that they should leave now.

This more than anything puts a dent into his decision to give Sakura space, because he has  _never_  felt awkward or uncomfortable in her presence before, and feels to him as if a physical constant has been grotesquely altered.

At the end of May, Sasuke gets his acceptance from Harvard. His father isn't exactly pleased about it, but grants that Harvard is a world-renowned school and it will look good for the future if he goes. And, even Itachi couldn't get into Harvard.

(Sasuke doesn't bother pointing out Itachi wasn't interested enough to try.)

Sasuke decides that day that enough is enough and he  _will_  talk to Sakura today, even if he has to sit outside her home until she walks through the door. He pockets his acceptance letter, and also brings along an offering of dango from Itachi's restaurant.

(Because she likes sweets, and not because he's trying to endear himself to her.)

Kizashi answers the door, looking surprised to see him.

"I need to speak to Sakura," Sasuke tells him. "It's important and I'm not going anywhere until she comes out to speak to me."

"You'll be waiting a long time," Sakura's father says, bemused. "She left for Boston this morning."

"She…left," Sasuke repeats, uncomprehending.

Kizashi scratches his cheek. "I thought it strange you didn't come see her off."

"I didn't," a voice grumbles, and then Sakura's mother is framed in the doorway as well. "I thought he was being sensible for once. Whatever you did to my daughter, you  _should_  leave her alone. It's unkind to string someone along, young man, and I hope this is a lesson to you."

"String…?"

"Now, hold on, Mebuki, you don't know what happened," Kizashi protests. "Sakura never said anything  _had_  happened—"

"I didn't  _need_  her to say it, I sensed there was something. A mother always knows, after all."

"Maybe, but you can't just—whoa! Kid, are you alright? You look pale."

Their voices seem to be coming from far away, and his knees appear to be rebelling against holding the rest of him but, but Sasuke simply turns away.

"I'm fine," he answers, his throat feeling like knives with the effort needed to make that sound neutral.

Sakura's parents might call after him, but he doesn't hear them.

He doesn't really notice anything after that, one moment bleeding into another, until he is abruptly back in his brother's restaurant, breathing into a paper bag.

His lungs burn with every gasp for breath around the lump in his throat, heart racing so fast he expects it to just give out, and the world spinning in a sickening swirl of colour. His entire frame is shaking, and he hasn't had a panic attack so bad since he was eight and a drunk driver nearly robbed him of his family.

While his parents and brother fought for their lives in surgery, he was left alone in a waiting room surrounded by relatives talking about what would happen to the company if Fugaku died. No one cared that he was sitting right there, and that his family weren't dead yet. He had such a severe reaction that they needed to sedate him. After it was over, his relatives mocked him for his panic and even after he recovered, Father chided him for losing his composure.

He's kept such weakness at bay for years, and even Sakura has never seen him in such a state. He had thought he'd conquered it by now, but judging by the letter clenched in his hand and the crushed package of dango on the floor, he hasn't.

Eventually sounds permeate the rushing noise in his ears, and he makes out his brother's voice.

"Sasuke, can you hear me?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"She didn't say goodbye," Sasuke replies dimly. It should explain everything, but apparently this concept is too beyond his supposedly genius brother, because over the next fifteen minutes Itachi keeps teasing small details out of him.

It's annoying, but it forces Sasuke to focus.

While Shisui boils water for tea, Itachi slowly pries out the whole story, which takes a while because every time he opens his mouth, Sasuke expects he might throw up. The nausea that has been lurking behind his frustration the past few weeks appears to have exploded, and his chest aches like it's been scraped out by a spoon, and he has the absurd, infantile impulse to burst into tears.

Eventually Itachi sits back, a confused expression on his face.

"I know Sakura, and it would have to be something pretty serious to happen for her to leave you without saying goodbye," Itachi tells him quietly. "She's been in love with you since you were little kids." Sasuke nods jerkily at this, which makes Itachi raise an eyebrow. "You're…not surprised by this."

"It was understood," Sasuke says, concentrating on enunciating every word. "She didn't exactly hide it."

"So, all this time, you two have been together?"

"Of course."

Itachi shakes his head, frowning in something like disappointment. "Then what could make the kindest, most understanding girl in the world not tell her boyfriend she was leaving the country." Sasuke scowls. "What?"

"That's such an insipient word."

"…Boyfriend?" This time it's both of his eyebrows that raise heavenward, and then comprehension dawns. "Sasuke…can I ask you something?"

"You—"

"Don't feel the need to point out that I just did."

"Tch."

"In all this time—all this planning of yours, encouraging Sakura to do her best and succeed and you keeping her nearby so you could have a future together—did you ever, even just one time, tell her how you feel about her?"

"She knows."

"And what if she doesn't?"

"She has an IQ of 170, she's not stupid."

"I didn't say she was," Itachi replies slowly. "But sometimes people—women especially—require certain things to be stated in specific terms. So, I'll ask you again: have you ever, in your entire relationship with Sakura, told her that you…have feelings for her?"

"…"

"…"

The world seems to crystalize around him and it's as if something audible clicks into place.

"Oh."

Itachi exhales tiredly and hands Sasuke the cup of tea. "Tell me everything that happened the last time you spoke to Sakura."

Curious if there's something he missed, Sasuke forces himself to concentrate, casting his mind back to the last few face-to-face interactions he's had with Sakura. When he relates her question about  _dating_ , Itachi inhales sharply, and as he points out his argument about Sakura needing to go to Harvard because there was nothing here for her, Shisui's hand slaps against his forehead.

"Sasuke…just…think about how all that sounded," his brother suggests tightly.

"To a normal person that doesn't have the emotional range of a teaspoon," Shisui adds.

Sasuke is quiet, factoring in what he knows of Sakura's temperament, and how, based on past experience, she may have interpreted what he said to her.

His eyes widen.

"Shit."

"I think that's an appropriate assessment," Itachi agrees wearily.

"Face it, kid, you fucked up," Shisui says with a whistle.

"I can fix this," Sasuke says decisively, and stands up. "A simple explanation should clear this up. And if she won't answer me by conventional means, the airport isn't far. I'll go to Boston and find her and tell her in person."

"I wouldn't do that," his brother says.

This brings him up short. "What?"

"You mean aside from all the practical, logistical details?" Shisui deadpans, but goes quiet when Itachi sends him a warning look.

"For two reasons," Itachi goes on. "First of all, Sakura obviously needs some space to recover. She did leave for a reason. If you thinking she's just left you behind without warning effect you like  _this_ , chances are she's going through her own difficulties. I imagine what you said to her broke her heart."

Sasuke begins to protest, but Shisui interrupts. "Itachi's right. And that's something that will have to heal before she's in the right mind to listen to you again. She might be angry, she might be sad, but she's definitely going to be hurt. And people don't like to be around the things that hurt them, much less listen to whatever groveling you intend to do."

"The second reason is for your own sake," Itachi continues.

"…My sake?"

"Sasuke, you just had a panic attack when you realised Sakura was gone," his brother points out gently. "That's only one example of an extreme reaction. We are a family that is run by our emotions and temperament. You wouldn't want to do something to harm Sakura."

"I would  _never_  harm Sakura," Sasuke snaps, disgusted.

"Not intentionally. But I think before you pursue her, you should be very sure of what it is you want to pursue, and whether it's even healthy for you. Both of you. Right now, from what I've seen, you are heavily dependant on her. It's unhealthy. And I take some responsibility for that."

This temporarily distracts him. "You?"

"I wasn't around enough when you were younger," Itachi explains, apologetic. "I didn't encourage you to make other friends or teach you how to be alone in a healthy manner. You've never even  _had_  a friend before Sakura or outside of her. And even that's a different case, because you've made clear that she is more than your friend."

"The point he's trying to make is, if you're going to go halfway around the world, it shouldn't just be to follow a girl," Shisui interjects "Go for your own sake, and your own future."

"Sakura is my future," Sasuke replies without hesitation. This is as basic a fact to him as the concept of plants converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

"She's part of it," Itachi shakes his head. "She's not all of it."

Sasuke clenches his fist in frustration, trying to hide the sudden wave of vulnerability and exhaustion that settles over him. "So what the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Well, if you're set on Harvard, term starts in August. I'd say you have three months to figure it all out," Itachi says.

サクラ

Term might not start until August, but Sakura ends up glad she and Ino decided to spend the summer settling in to their new home.

The first few weeks are spent in a whirlwind of activity, as Ino's parents help the two of them move into their dorm and learn to navigate the vast, sprawling campus that is  _Harvard_. She is so busy learning where everything is located and which administrator she has to speak to for help with her courses and how the transit system here works, that she barely has time to call her parents, let alone other people.

Specific other people.

There are half a dozen unopened emails from Sasuke in her inbox, which hover reproachfully at the back of her mind even as Ino's parents ferry them through city tours and furniture warehouses. She's been meaning to contact him since landing in Boston, but every time she gets up the courage, anxiety over what he might say rears its ugly head.

At least she doesn't have to worry about text messages anymore, since her phone doesn't work here. She doesn't have to ask Ino to screen them anymore, which she hated doing.

None of this assuages her guilt, but at least her eventful days can put it out of mind temporarily.

Just because term hasn't started doesn't mean she and Ino are left on an empty campus. As soon as they arrive, they are introduced by their dorm advisor to the other suitemates. There's Tenten, a friendly and forthright girl from Hong Kong, who introduces herself right away.

"I'm going to be an Applied Engineer," she tells them without needing to be prompted. "What's the point of building stuff if you can't actually  _use_  it?"

Then there's Temari, an aloof young woman with an accent Sakura can't quite place, who reveals noncommittally that she's studying government.

"It's what my family does," she states, and will volunteer no more.

Finally, there's Karui, a proud native of New York who intends to major in both Mathematics and Women's Studies.

"I couldn't decide which one I preferred, so I'll just do both," she says, when the other girls' express amazement at her ambition (and minor horror at the course load she'll likely face).

Then Sakura has to spend ridiculous amounts of time in government offices, going over last-minute student-visa information, finding out how she can legally get a job while she's there (she may be on scholarship, but it's never too late to start saving for her medical program!) and then actually looking for work. It boggles the mind how many people look at her in amazement because she can actually speak English.

_Why would I be going to an American college if I couldn't speak English?_

Eventually she finds one of the big bookstores in the area is hiring, and it's not the best job out there, but the hours are flexible and they tell her she can cut back or add depending on her schedule in the fall.

"Most of our employees are students," the hiring manager tells her with a shrug, and a tone heavily implying a high turnover rate.

Another month goes by, and still Sakura can't get used to how strange it is not to be communicating with Sasuke. Whenever something new happens in the dorm room or she sees something he would think is amusing or interesting, she reaches for her new phone to text him about it—but then forcibly stops herself. She knows if she does, it's only a matter of time before she opens the floodgates to their unhealthy relationship once more.

サクラ

She's heading home from work one summer evening, when she becomes aware that she is being followed. There's a half-dozen guys hanging outside one of the student-frequented pubs, drinking beer and whistling at girls who walk past.

"Hey, she's one of the pretty ones!"

 _"Nee-HOW!"_  one of them calls at her, the sneer obviously meant to be endearing but making her want to hiss as she walks by.

The behaviour is juvenile, and makes Sakura roll her eyes, but she becomes a little wary when their inebriated jokes don't fade away. Two of the raucous young men have followed her.

"Hey! Sweetheart! Come back with us, we'll buy you a drink!"

"Yeah, we just wanna show you a good time!"

As she crosses one of the streets that short-cut to the campus, her gut sinks to find the road is empty.

"Hey, don't be so stuck up," someone says and she feels an unwelcome touch on her backside one moment, and then another someone is grabbing her bag. "Come on, take a break from studying!"

Sakura's body moves on its own, one hand snapping out and dragging the guy closest to her backward, shoving him onto his back. A combination of natural clumsiness, surprise and alcohol result in him falling flat on his back, and before he can recover she aims a kick to his groin area, then his face. She's just winding up for the third blow, when his friend tackles her from behind, arms going around her.

Her elbow juts into his solar plexus, and he doubles over, gasping for air, she reaches over her shoulder, grasps his arm and bends into his body, living him over her shoulder and flipping him onto his back as well. She stomps down on the second guy's gut enough to hobble him, and takes off before any of their friends show up.

Her heart beats in wild panic as she half-walks, half runs away, adrenaline and dismay warring for supremacy. She's alright—aside from a bruised fist when she hit against something that wasn't bone, she's uninjured—but the incident itself is shocking. Her entire frame shakes and she has the bizarre urge to cry, and her hands are already scrambling for her phone to call Sasuke.

She might even start dialling his phone number from memory, when she senses a presence behind her.

Whirling around, fist raised and knees bent to ward of any one else who might attack her, she instead finds herself face to face with a tall, blond guy her age.

"Hey—hey, relax, I'm not going to hurt you!" he cries, hands up where she can see them and maintaining several feet of distance between them. "I came to see if you're alright. I saw the whole thing from down the bloack, but couldn't get to you in time-not that I needed to, apparently. You did a great job on those dicks."

Sakura's eyes dart around, just in case, but he appears genuine. There are more people around now as well, so if he tried anything, all she'd have to do is scream.

"If you want to file a report, I'll back you up," he goes on. "Those guys are scum."

"I…" she begins, and then swallows. "I don't know. I have to…"

She has a sudden vision of her actions coming back to her, and having her scholarship revoked or something equally disturbing. Immediately after, a vision of those louts doing the same thing to another girl—one who doesn't have the ability to fight them off.

Sakura squares her shoulders. "Yes. I have to report this."

"I'll come with you. It happened on campus, so we have to go to the campus police," he offers. When she hesitates, he points in the direction of the campus, "That way. In full view of lights and security cameras and other people."

"I'm sorry," she says, "I don't mean to be rude, but—"

"After what just happened, you're not being rude, you're being smart," he shakes his head. "Especially considering it could have been a lot worse. Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm…fine," she says, though she feels anything but fine.

She's still shaking from the adrenaline, and he seems to notice, because he starts to talk. About everything and anything, completely random complaints about traffic in Boston to his roommates obsession of hockey to the clam chowder he had for lunch that day.

As they wander, she slowly volunteers a few things about herself, her brain gearing down from its sudden burst of quick thinking earlier. At some point she mentions calling her parents and then worrying about the time difference, because his expression brightens then.

"You're Japanese!" he declares, and then to her surprise, he switches to her native tongue. "So, are you actually a student here, or just walking through our overpriced campus for the bragging rights?"

He has a bit of a weird accent, and he ends his sentences with  _dattebayo_ , but it's endearing somehow.

"I'm a student here," Sakura confirms. "And you speak Japanese very well."

"I should. My parents moved to California from Tokyo when I was a kid. They spoke it enough around me that I picked it up, but I've never had anyone but them to practice with," he grins. "You'll help out, won't you…?" His eyes go comically wide. "Oh, crap. I just realised, I forgot to introduce myself—I'm Naruto Uzumaki."

Sakura blinks. "That's…quite a name."

"Yeah, I've wondered about it for years. Either my parents were really stoned and hungry, or they chose the name out of the nearest book. What about you?"

"Haruno Sakura. Pleased to meet you."

"Likewise!" Naruto beams. "I bet we're going to get along great. Especially because, seeing what you can do, I promise I will never, ever mouth off to you, okay?"

This elicits a startled laugh from her, and a little of the weight from earlier lifts.

There ends up being no one in the office when they get there, meaning Sakura will have to wait until the next day to file her report, but Naruto promises to meet her there in the morning if she needs him.

"I might be half asleep when I get here, because I don't really do mornings, but I'll totally be there—believe it!"

She's still not feeling entirely herself, though, and she lets him walk her to her dorm.

The minute she gets upstairs to her room, she has her phone in her hands and stares down at the screen, thumb hovering over the digits to try to decide who to call. Eventually, she decides there's no point to worrying anyone, not until she's filed the report. Her parents are too far away to do anything, and Sasuke…

_Would he even care?_

Immediately she feels a sick sense of guilt over that thought, because she knows that he would. Even if he doesn't love her romantically, they were (are?) friends and protective of one another, at least in some situations.

 _No. Telling him what happened can't be the first thing I say to him after not talking for so long. Ugh,_ why _did this become so_ complicated?!

She throws herself back on her bed in frustration, trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

At some point, Ino returns to their room, toweling off damp hair. "So, I noticed you didn't come back here alone."

The comment is far from innocent.

"Yeah, that's Naruto," Sakura replies easily, ignoring the implication.

"He's cute. In a dopey, cinnamon roll puppy kind of way."

"Don't do that, Ino."

"Do what?"

"Start with the matchmaking," Sakura retorts, throwing a pillow at her friend. "I'm not in the mood.  _Really_  not in the mood. We only just met, and besides, I'm not ready for any kind of relationship."

"Why not? The best way to get over a broken heart is a rebound boy."

"Clearly you've never actually had your heart broken, or you wouldn't say that," Sakura retorts.

サクラ

As it turns out, though, friendship with Naruto is instant and easy. It's almost seamless.

From the morning when he waits to meet her and helps file her report, providing a witness statement and grousing at the university employees for making them wait for results (which apparently they'll be informed of by the dean's office "at some point"), he's another new fixture in her life.

They have a lot of things in common, from a guilty pleasure of watching WWE and the  _Princess Gale_  movie franchise, to spending entire afternoons at a fair and sampling as many different cuisines as possible. When she's not hanging out with Ino or the girls in her dorm, she spends her free time with Naruto, either out on the campus or in his dorm's common room. There always seems to be some kind of gathering or activity happening there, which she enjoys though she imagines it will make studying hard come fall.

Her new friend also has a tendency to get into scrapes—and drag her along with him.

He nearly burns down his dorm room with an illegal hot plate one day. Another evening they go for drinks at the local pub, and then drunk-challenge each other to see who can climb the largest tree on campus before security notices them. One night they chase someone's illegally kept cat through the quad and return him to the owner.

She nurses him through a spring cold that has him moaning and complaining and utterly useless, and plays video games with him on his console, though she doesn't let him win. They people watch, making up stories for strangers, and text memes to each other over Facebook. He shows up in the mornings with coffee and donuts for her, takes Ino's attention off her when her friend's overbearing and overprotective nature sometimes becomes more to bear and purposefully acts like a clown when he notices she's sad.

Which still happens, more than she'd like.

Naruto is her rock, offering her support she didn't even realise she was missing, even before losing Sasuke.

And yet…

There's still a hole.

Some essential element is still missing.

There's no chemistry between her and Naruto; no spark, no romance.

It frustrates her, because there  _should_  be. He's funny and kind, a little rough around the edges, but it makes life interesting. At the end of the day when she returns to her dorm, she always has a smile on her face, shaking her head at his most recent antics. He is what any girl would want, and just based on their relationship, it should be possible for them to fall into something more than friendship. She suspects he wants that, and thinking on Ino's words, doesn't she deserve to try that?

 _I do_ , she tells herself.  _This is the something more I was looking for, right?_

She resolves herself, deciding it's all just a matter of effort. The age-old maxim "fake it until you make it" could apply here.

And so she dresses up a little more, taking care in her appearance before they go out. She lets Naruto link their arms when they ramble through the campus, and when he insists on feeding her his favourite ramen "because it's  _amazing,_ Sakura, believe it!" she lets him. She invites him to join her and Ino at karaoke, and they croon horribly off-key 80s power-ballads at each other. One day he surprises her by taking her roller-skating, which she hasn't done since before she met Sasuke. It's cliché and cheesy, but she sort of loves it, in a different way than she loved geocaching or boat trips with Sasuke. She drags him to the museums in the area, trying to share her interests with him, and though she can tell it's not his thing, he's still enthusiastic for her sake. He offers her his hand as they stroll through the sculptures and oil paintings

And if his hand doesn't fit hers the right way, the way Sasuke's did, well that's because he's a different person. She'll get used to the way  _this_  feels.

And if she doesn't really  _miss_  Naruto when she doesn't seem him for a few days, then that's healthy, right? She goes an entire week without hearing from him beyond a few texts and images shared over Facebook, and she barely pauses in her plans with Ino.

But she still routinely checks her emails and texts for news from Sasuke and tries to ignore the scraping, clawing feeling in her chest and throat at the fact he doesn't even reach out to her anymore.

 _This is what I wanted_ , she tells herself, even as it rings hollow in her thoughts.

One night, a week before term officially begins, she and Naruto meet up on their way back to campus. They grab ice cream on the way—even though Naruto is lactose intolerant and always pays for his little indulgences violently the next day—and wander through the courtyard. Eventually he steers them over to a bench where they finish their ice cream and then, there's a sudden silence between them.

It's uncharacteristic, because they're never really quiet together, and Sakura shifts nervously, unsure what to expect. When Naruto leans in, like he's going to kiss her, and she is conscious she's supposed to lean in now, too.

_That's how it works. Your first kiss. You've dreamed about this._

But it feels wrong.

There's a pit in her stomach that won't go away and she feels like crying.

This isn't who she's supposed to be sharing it with.

It's not that she doesn't like Naruto, because she does. She cares deeply about him and he has quickly become one of her favourite people. He might even be as dear to her as Ino is.

However, the idea of kissing him doesn't bring her a thrill. Now that she thinks it through, having him put his arms around her makes her feel safe and comfortable and cared for, but there's no stimulus when they touch. No breathless feeling, no universe coming to a standstill, no electricity racing over her skin, and no sense of reaching out for a missing piece of herself.

And if that was meant to happen, shouldn't it have already?

It's been months of spending time together as friends and if it was meant to happen, shouldn't it have already? Is it fair to Naruto to keep trying if she doesn't feel for him?

_Then again, I might not now, but maybe in the future?_

But…what if in the future she  _doesn't_? And then they both have their hearts broken and she loses his friendship?

_But what if I lose his friendship right now for rejecting him?_

He'll be gone and she'll have that hole again.

Except…the hole never really got filled to begin with, did it?

The questions and anxiety flit around her brain in an endless circle, freezing her like a statue as she desperately tries to sort all this out.

Naruto notices her pause, and pulls back.

"It's not meant to be, is it?" he asks her, sounding sad.

"I…"

"You're still hung up on that guy."

"Wait…what?"

"Ino told me about him. Sounds like a real bastard, honestly, but what can you do? I had hoped…but I get it." He shrugs and smiles, and despite a tinge of sadness, it's still his usual open, wonderful smile.

A smile that doesn't belong to her.

Not in the way she expects. She sees that directed at everyone, because he is friendly with everyone and a good guy. He's kind and open and always trying to be everyone's friend, encourage them to do better, to call on him when they need someone. In a way, Naruto shares himself with everyone, and that's a great quality.

But there's a tiny, selfish part of Sakura that believes two people in love share something only amongst themselves.

When Sasuke used to smile at her, it was for her. When their eyes met, there was always a shared moment, just between the two of them, like they had a secret no one else could ever know. And that was  _with_  him spectacularly ignorant toward her feelings; her heart still flutters at the idea of him loving her like she loves him.

 _Oh_.

'Loves'.

 _I'm still in love with him_ , she realises.  _But…it's been months. The more time passes, the less I should…_

The urge to cry increased, but she doesn't know if it's more in sadness of frustration with the whole situation.

_I'm a horrible person. Here we are, I've just rejected him, and all I can think about is Sasuke. What the hell is wrong with me?_

"I understand if you don't get it, or if you don't want to be friends anymore," she mumbles, looking down at her feet.

"Of course I still want to be friends," Naruto says, puzzled. "It sucks, yeah, but it would have been worse if you didn't say anything. Besides. I sort of get it."

"R-really?"

"Well, not the being hung up on another guy thing. From what Ino said, he sounds like a clueless moron," Naruto disdains, and Sakura snorts in bitter laughter because she can't argue. "But feeling like you really connect to a person in a way you can't with anyone else? I get that."

Sakura cocks her head to one side, curious.

"I'll tell you about it another time," he tells her. "The point is, you can't help who you have chemistry with. I just hope that, if you can't find it with me, and if you didn't find it with him, one day you find it with someone. Anyone."

Sakura sighs. "I don't think it's that easy…"

つづく

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * * *
> 
> _If the progression of Naruto and Sakura's relationship seems fast, it's intentional. It's also meant to showcase how shortlived the idea of it is. This happens over a period of months and remember, this story is based on Sakura and Sasuke's relationship. This chapter is just to take a look at what they're doing while they're missing each other and unable to find that "other half" feeling with other people. We may just get to see a reunion next chapter, depending on where my editing muse chooses to take me…_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **クリ**


	4. Lean on Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Author's Note:** I decided to post something to one of my WIPs for New Year's with the hope that it will set a precedent for more updates in the future. As luck would have it,  _Never Tell Me The Odds_  had the most complete next chapter and didn't require too much effort. I haven't really felt much like writing anything new or requiring in-depth thought since my grandmother died, but I do want to try to start 2019 on a good and hopeful note so when I actually get back in the writing mood, I'll have the inspiration and motivation to complete a bunch of old and new stories. 
> 
> So, here you guys go. Happy New Year, everyone! Thanks for supporting me this past year, and I hope 2019 is a less shitty year than 2018 has been.
> 
> This is unedited for obvious reasons. I'll get to it when I get to it.
> 
> * * *

Sasuke debates with himself for a while before telling his parents about Sakura's departure. He's not entirely sure if it's fear over their reactions, or the fact that telling them makes the whole situation more real.

In the end, he chooses to confide in his mother first, knowing that she will keep his revelations to herself and if she does tell his father, she will know what to leave out.

He waits until his father has left for work one morning and shuffles into the kitchen where Mother cleans away the breakfast dishes. It takes a few minutes of hovering and trying to decide what to say before she takes pity on him and asks him what's wrong.

The entire story bursts from him then, like a tide that can no longer be held back. Sasuke is disgusted with himself to realise that his eyes have begun to tear up halfway through the tale.

Mother listens to him with her usual patience and an uncharacteristic gravity but does not comment or interrupt. When Sasuke closes his tale with Itachi's advice, she sighs wistfully. He expects her to say something comforting or sympathetic, but to his surprise a frown appears on her face.

"I would have expected more from Sakura," she says, a note of disappointment in her voice. "Going off without even a goodbye? She was raised better than that—and I should know, since I had a hand in it! And I'm a little surprised Mebuki never said anything about it to me…" She sighs. "Then again, considering how badly our children have mucked up simple communication, maybe it's not surprising. She likely thought I knew already."

"Mother?"

"I won't rehash it all now—from what you've told me, your brother did a good job of it already." Seeing his face, her expression softens. "Oh, sweetheart, I am sorry you're hurting through all this, and that Sakura left without telling you. If it makes any difference, I doubt it was any easier for her."

"How do you figure that?" Sasuke demands, distanced enough from his initial shock to start feeling a note of anger toward Sakura. It's a new sensation, one he doesn't like. "Between sending a text and  _not_  sending a text, one requires more effort than the other."

"I don't mean easier like that, Sasuke. I meant emotionally. It's a big decision to separate yourself from someone you love, even if it's for the best." Her eyes flit to the photo of Itachi as a baby, which has in recent weeks gravitated back to the mantle. "There aren't many people who are self-aware enough to recognise such a thing—even fewer with the strength to act. Perhaps the only way she could go through with it was by cutting herself off from you."

"But she never  _said_ —!"

"She could have handled it better, I won't argue that. But you're the one who should have actually explained how you felt about her and discussed your hopes for the future instead of simply assuming it would come to be just from you  _willing_  it to be so." Mother shakes her head. "Mistakes were made, on both sides. But you are both intelligent, and I trust you will figure it out."

"If we couldn't figure it out living in the same city, I doubt we'll figure it across an ocean."

"What ocean? Did you not just finish telling me that you got into Harvard?"

"I may have gotten in, but that doesn't mean I should go. Given the pains Sakura's gone through to avoid me, it might be better not to." All of his initial determination to track Sakura down and  _make_  her understand seems to have vanished, replaced with a chilling uncertainty.

"Don't let this situation with Sakura make decisions about your future," Mother chides. "Whether you reconcile with her or not, that is an excellent school, and giving it up because you want to avoid emotional discomfort is foolish."

Which, yes, sort of makes sense, Sasuke admits to himself grudgingly.

"Why not accept the offers of both universities?" Mother suggests. "And like your brother said, take a few months to consider your options. You can easily withdraw from the one you don't choose without even having to enroll in classes."

"Father will expect me to have made a decision before then, though."

"You leave your father to me. He wants what's best for you, and taking your time is what's best for you right now."

Sasuke looks away, grateful but miserable at the same time.

Mother hugs him and he lets her. Then she sighs, sounding more amused than the situation should allow, and sits back with him against the wall. "When I had boys, I thought I wouldn't have to deal with such heartbreak and drama. It seems I was wrong. And about  _which_  son I'd have to worry about, too…"

" _Mother_ …"

"Ah, hush, and let me have my moment." She nudges him with her shoulder and he leans into her. Mother is one of the only two people in the world he is comfortable touching. "Oh, my son, you have so very much to learn. Trust me when I say it's good that you're doing it now, and not when you're my age."

Which he thinks is debateable, but he's not about to argue with her right now.

Instead, he does what she suggests.

He folds his acceptance letters away into a drawer in his desk and does his best to forget about them for a while. Mother is as good as her word, because Father doesn't ask about his future plans anymore when he gets home from work.

It probably helps that he spends the summer working for the company.

It's full-time work, which is both the same and different from the way he spent his time during school. He follows a daily routine, which is boring but comforting somehow. And he sees his father's eyes gleam in something like pride every now and then, which is a rare gift he's chased his entire life. The rest of the family has nothing but good things to say about him, how that he has stepped up in his brother's place and like a dutiful son, does what it expected.

He still dislikes socialising with others, but networking is a necessary skill, and he finds if he can see it as required box to check off within a business interaction, it isn't as exhausting.

He is surprised to find an ally (he is still hesitant to use the word  _friend_  for anyone) in Hyūga Neji, whose family are one of the company's biggest clients. The young man is about a year older than Sasuke, as impatient with social graces as Sasuke and with an inherent fatalism that has appealed to Sasuke's mood of late.

And every day, he sees the exact trajectory of his life: honour, respect and success. And not a small amount of money.

It's not a bad life.

Sasuke can see that despite what outward appearance might suggest, his father is satisfied with his lot. With the exception of estrangement from Itachi, which remains a sore spot, Father draws fulfillment from doing his job well and being so involved in his family. And, of course, he has Mother, who despite the fact theirs was an arranged marriage, he loves deeply and faithfully.

It makes Sasuke feel a breath of hope for the first time in months, that maybe—just maybe—it's possible to find contentment in a future different from the one he envisioned for himself. Not happiness, of course—he's not naïve enough to think he'll ever be happy, and besides, his brother's cornered the market on that.

 _For now, anyway_ ,  _so long as nothing bad happens._

Itachi's restaurant has been open for a while now, and has a modest but growing clientele. He and Shisui are still scrimping and saving to make rent every month, but whenever Sasuke sees them together behind the scenes of their venture, he can sense nothing but joy at their lot in life.

"What would you do if they shut you down?" Sasuke asks his brother one evening, passing by after work and somehow (as usual) getting roped into helping to clean up.

Itachi glances up from the accounts, frowning at his brother in confusion over his glasses. At home, he always used to wear contact lenses—showing any kind of weakness, even something as simple as a stigmatism, was something Fugaku never approved of, and both Itachi and Sasuke wore contact lenses since they were ten.

"What do you mean?" Itachi asks. "Shut us down?"

"The bank. Or the health department. Or…someone," Sasuke gestures vaguely.

"Probably make Shisui sleep on the couch, because his job is to keep them happy."

"That's not what I mean." Sasuke scowls. "What if, tomorrow, there was a disaster. A fire. Or for some reason the restaurant was seized, or your apartment, and you two were thrown out on the street. And the only way to get out of trouble was to…go your separate ways."

"You're unusually imaginative today," Itachi remarks mildly, resting an elbow on the counter and letting his chin fall into his palm. "You're not usually someone taken to flights of fancy."

"It's not fancy, it's risk assessment. That's entirely practical."

"Practical or not, none of those scenarios would lead to us leaving one another. The only way that would happen is if we differed on an issue in a fundamental way—if he were an antivaxxer or a militant vegan or if we had some other irreconcilable philosophical difference that I have yet to discover."

"What if he died?"

Itachi's face goes blank for a moment. "It's not something I think of very often."

"But it could happen."

"It could." The words come out quiet, softer than usual. There's a heavy pause, as if his brother is imagining the very situation and how he would react to it. "I would mourn. Of course I would mourn. It would be hard to go on, but I would."

"Why?"

"Because my existence is not tied to any one individual," his brother tells him gravely. "And while it is certainly made much happier with him in it, my ability to be happy is not solely dependent on him. I have you. I have Mother and Father, even if they are a little out of reach right now. I have any number of smaller things, of other people, that together make life worth living and pursuing, even if Shisui weren't in it." He pauses a moment. "Besides, he's the type that would hang around as a ghost. And if I did something that caused me to give up on life—or to actually  _give up_  my life for anything other than a monumental, heroic reason, he would make my eternity miserable."

"Damn right," Shisui declares, entering the room and not even pretending he hasn't been eavesdropping. He reaches over, ruffling Itachi's hair and then presses a kiss to the top of his head in a gesture of overt affection that Sasuke has gotten used to seeing over the years. "Although…I might consider your preference for pineapple on pizza as one of those irreconcilable philosophical differences."

Itachi pretends as if he hasn't heard his partner, but Sasuke doesn't miss the way he leans back against his chest.

"The point is, I would go on."

Sasuke frowns thoughtfully.

His brother does, of course, make several good points.

But at the same time, Sasuke can't help think that his connection to Sakura is on a vastly different level from that of Itachi and Shisui.

The conversation stays on his mind for a long time afterward, and even when it's not at the forefront, he's aware of it.

Two weeks before the deadline to confirm his attendance, Sasuke decides he will go to Harvard after all. He has spent weeks weighing the pros and cons, and trying to make the decision without factoring Sakura into it, or at least planning for the worst case scenario.

In the end, it's really not much of a decision of all.

His parents are unsurprised when he eventually informs them of his choice.

Even his father looks resigned when he explains that, although he has learned much in the past two months working at the company, he intends to explore other opportunities before settling into a permanent position. He nods, and says, "As expected of my son", and that's the matter closed for him.

Mother's eyes are soft and teary, and when she pulls Sasuke close, she asks, "Are you sure?"

"I am."

"And it's for the right reasons?"

"Yes."

And it is.

Because even if he goes to Harvard and tracks Sakura down and she doesn't want anything to do with him, there are countless opportunities to be had going overseas. Sasuke has always been somewhat of a perfectionist, and if he is going to do the job his father expects him to do, he wants to be the most prepared and the most accredited that he can be.

He doesn't just want to be Fugaku Uchiha's second choice successor.

"Good luck," Itachi tells him the day Sasuke gives him the news. "If you need anything, let us know."

"Yeah—money, advice, someone to listen to you crying," Shisui continues, wincing as Itachi elbows him covertly. "We're there."

"Thank you," Sasuke says politely, "but I'm sure I can handle it myself."

Six months from now, he will wonder if the universe takes this as some sort of challenge.

サクラ

Sakura runs into Naruto again while working her first shift at the bookstore. He's left his basket of thick textbooks haphazardly on the floor, and is eagerly flipping through several comic books.

"You know this isn't a library," she teases, coming up behind him. "If you're not going to buy it, you can't read it here."

"I'll have you know, I  _am_  going to buy it," he protests. "I actually have to get this for one of my literature courses." He holds up a graphic novel version of Kafka's  _The Metamorphosis_. "It just…it looks like it's going to suck."

"Well, it's no  _Killing Joke_ , but I'm sure there's got to be something interesting about it," Sakura offers.

Naruto's eyes go comically wide.

"You know  _comics_?" he breathes in utter delight. He practically scrambles to his feet and grabs her by the shoulders. "You just became my  _favourite_  girl in the world—believe it!"

Sakura laughs. "I don't like them that much, honestly. But back home there's…there's someone who did. It sort of became force of habit to keep up with them."

The thought of Sasuke makes her heart hurt, and something must show on her face, because Naruto quickly asks, "Who's you're favourite character? And keep in mind, if you answer something stupid, I will judge you forever."

She rolls her eyes. "Magneto."

Naruto blinks.

"Okay… _that_  I would not have expected. Unless…we are talking  _comic_  version, right? You don't just like movie Magneto because he's good-looking or something?"

"Right, because  _that_  isn't a shallow comment," she retorts.

"I'm sorry, but it's just a little unexpected."

"Well, I always thought he's kind of a tragic hero," Sakura replies. "He's trying to build this better world after what happened to his family, but he goes about it in the worst way possible. And every incarnation of him, in whatever medium, has that quality. But there's always some shred of him inside that's still good, so I always have hope that he'll eventually be completely redeemed."

"Even after what his version did in  _Ultimatum_?"

Sakura narrows her eyes. "We do not discuss the  _Ultimate_  universe. Ever."

At which point Naruto just laughs.

It turns out that he is the rare breed of guy that takes rejection well, and doesn't even make jokes about being 'friend-zoned' the way some of the guys Ino has gone on dates with are wont to do. In fact, he becomes her closest friend after Ino in the weeks to come, and whether he's consciously trying to or not, his presence helps her keep her mind off Sasuke.

It's not something he always succeeds at, but Sakura thinks that says more about her than him.

She misses Sasuke in a way that's become an ever-present ache that doesn't seem to diminish with time, and spikes at the oddest moments. When she eats tomatoes despite the fact she's always found them too acidic, or early morning jogging when she remembers how much Sasuke  _hates_  mornings, or even just looking forward to the start of classes.

She has never met anyone else that understood her love of academia as much as Sasuke.

Ino doesn't have a passion for school—she is becoming a lawyer because it's a high-paying job that will keep her in the style to which she is accustomed, and it will help her bid to take over her family's firm.

"It's a means to an end," she always says when Sakura asks her what the point is if she doesn't love it. "Chōji and Shikamaru didn't even have to go to college.  _Their_  fathers can hand over the reins whenever they want with no problem. But since I've got breasts, you know every shareholder, lawyer and coffee boy is going to be frothing at the mouth to explain why I  _can't_  run the firm."

Which is even more true back home than here in the States.

As for Naruto, his childhood was spent fighting a slew of learning challenges and bad teachers, making school one of life's necessary evil's that he has to tough through.

"I wouldn't even be here if I wasn't an amazing athlete," he confesses to her one day, a little self-depreciating and proud at the same time. "But I'll probably be the next Great One, so it's not like it will matter what grades I get, so long as I can scrape by long enough to stay on the team."

The bragging doesn't strike her as mindless bluster, either, but an intense conviction.

Even her dormmates appear to be pursuing education as a means to an end, and not for any love of the actual process. It's disheartening and doesn't help Sakura whittle down the list of things she misses about Sasuke.

Like her, he  _enjoys_  learning. He is at his most animated when he is having an academic discussion, mapping out progressions of thought and explaining complex theses that go over the heads of most people. Sometimes the leaps of logic he would make made her head spin, but in the good way that had her thinking for hours afterward about what he'd said. She always liked to think she had a similar effect on him, but these days…

 _I wonder if he's found anyone else to talk with about that sort of thing,_ she wonders glumly as she pokes at her yoghurt parfait.

"Uh oh," Naruto says, interrupting her thoughts. "Are you wallowing again?"

Pink tinges her cheeks and Sakura looks up defiantly. "I'm not wallowing."

"You are too," he replies, slurping up a clump of ramen noodles ( _For breakfast, Naruto? Really_?). "That's your wallowing face. The one where you're thinking about that guy from back home."

"…I do not have a wallowing face."

"Who is this jerk, anyway? I feel like I should hop a plane and track him down and like…rip his arm off and beat him with it or something."

"Right, that gives me so much incentive to tell you more about him," Sakura deadpans. "What a waste of a trip to Japan."

"It wouldn't be a waste," Naruto protests. "I'm going back anyway at some point. Or at least I always planned to."

"Oh, that's right—you have family there, right?"

"Not anymore. Maybe distant cousins three times removed or something, but those guys are pricks."

Sakura raises her eyebrow. "So why bother going back at all?"

"To find my soulmate."

Of all the reasons Naruto might give, this is the last one Sakura would have expected.

"Soulmate," she repeats, incredulous. " _You_  believe in soulmates?"

"Not just  _believe_. I've met her."

Sakura snorts. "If you have a soulmate, why do I see you checking girls out all the time? Why did you want to date me after we first met?"

"Why not? I already told you you're awesome."

"Naruto…"

He shrugs, the joking curve of his mouth diminishing somewhat, and he sighs.

"Because what are the odds I'll ever see her again?" he asks, a grim edge to his smile. "I don't want to be stuck alone the rest of my life just because I can't find that  _one_  person. It would be a total waste of a life." Sakura looks down, and his eyes widen in realisation. "Not that there's anything wrong with waiting. I mean, it's a different situation. You at least actually  _know_  the person you're in love with, so there's a chance. I don't even know her  _name_."

It's a clumsy recovery for an unintended slight, but Sakura takes it. She summons up a smile for him. "Oh, really? So who is this nameless woman that made such an impression on you, Mr. Romantic?"

"Dude, that should be my comic name!"

"It really shouldn't…"

"Why not? There's a Mr. Fantastic, but is he really? Bound to get more play as Mr. Romantic."

"You say that, but I bet you never considered that Mr. Fantastic can change the shape of any part of his anatomy. Take a second."

A disgusted expression appears on Naruto's face. "And now I can never unthink that thought. Thanks."

"All in a day's work," Sakura says brightly. "But seriously—where did you meet this mystery girl?"

"Wow, you're really sticking with this topic, aren't you?"

"If it's too hard for you to talk about—"

"Nah, it's fine." Naruto shakes it off and reaches for the second cup of ramen on his plate. "When I was a kid—five or six, I don't remember—my great-grandmother died and my folks brought me back to Japan for the funeral."

"This is supposed to be a romantic story. Funerals aren't romantic."

"You're the one who assumed this was going to be romantic," Naruto snorts. "Anyway, the whole thing was a big deal. I met a bunch of cousins I didn't even know, got paraded around to aunts and uncles and grandparents that were still alive. Now  _that_  sucked. Especially because most of the people weren't actually there for the funeral because they liked the woman, but because she was apparently important for business or something. People showed up who weren't even related!"

"That sounds awful," Sakura says. She remembers her own grandmother's funeral, and that was awkward enough with only family.

"I hated every minute of it," Naruto agrees. "It didn't help that I was the odd one out of everything. My cousins had no problem making that perfectly clear. I was the stupid  _gaijin_  who had no business being there, right? Anyway, there were these boys there and they were teasing this girl my age. And I could barely understand what they were saying, but it didn't sound good, so we had words."

"You defended her."

"Yep. And they beat the stuffing out of me while she ran away," Naruto concludes, almost proud. "They broke my arm."

"I…didn't see that coming."

"It wasn't  _so_  bad. See, after they left, the girl came back. And she let me use her scarf as a sling until I got back to my parents. And the whole time, she was looking at me like…like, I dunno. Like I hung the moon or something. No one's ever looked at me like that before," he says, and then looks thoughtful. "No one ever did again, either. Out parents' kind of freaked out when they saw us and hers dragged her off, but there was something that happened there. I don't know what it is."

"And you never saw her again?" Sakura asks quietly.

"Nope. Not unless you count dreams," Naruto shrugs. "I sometimes imagine we got to be friends, or we went to the same school or summer camp. But right when I'm about to go over and talk to her, I wake up. I still have the scarf, though."

"That's kind of romantic," she sighs.

"If romantic is another word for depressing," Naruto snorts. "At least one good thing came out of it. I never had to go to another family gathering again."

"Because of the fight? But it wasn't just you!"

"Er…well, it wasn't  _just_  the fight. See, after I got my arm looked at, we still had another day before we headed home. Which meant spending more time with my asshole cousins. They started their bullshit again, so I got my revenge."

"How?" Sakura asks, suspicious.

Naruto looks a little guilty here. "I peed on them."

"Naruto, you did  _not_!"

Her shout is torn between amusement and horror, and he notices.

"Yeah, it was perfect!" Naruto sniggers. "And they couldn't even do anything about it right then, so they just sat there smelling like piss the rest of the day. It was totally worth being grounded the next month…"

"I'm leaving now," Sakura grumbles, pushing her chair backwards and leaving Naruto scrambling to follow after her.

サスケ

Sasuke looks around the dorm room that will be his home for the next term and is utterly horrified.

While the side of the room he expects to be his has been left mostly undisturbed but for a pile of new, unopened textbooks, the other side is an exercise in chaos. Heaps of laundry scatter across the floor, and there are cups of ramen shoved into every visible cranny. A faint scent of burning emanates from the direction of a conspicuous burn mark on the window sill, beneath what appears to be an illegal hotplate.

Of all the nightmare scenarios Sasuke has been planning for since getting on the plane, he admits to himself he didn't consider the possibility of a roommate with the hygiene of a dung beetle.

"The key to learning to tolerate people is to start with finding a good quality to focus on," Sakura told him once some immeasurable time ago.

He thinks she would be hard-pressed to find one here, though he does attempt it.

There are no tell-tale cigarette butts littering the space, and he doesn't detect the skunk musk odour that he associates with marijuana. And the guy's comic collection appears to be in decent order without being too obvious; he's not sure what he would do if he ended up with a roommate prone to painting the Death Star across his walls.

Methodically, Sasuke starts to unpack his meagre belongings; he only brought enough with him for the next week or so. Mother and Father promised to ship the rest of his things once he decides for sure that he intends to stay.

 _Although, even if things do work out with Sakura, I might not stay anyhow,_ he muses, nose curling in disgust as he finds more ramen cups stuffed into the dresser on his side of the room, this time with dirty socks. The closet on his side of the room isn't much better, stuffed to the breaking with a bulky bag of sports gear, flattened cardboard and packing peanuts.

"It's like a pig and a dung beetle had a child," he grumbles, toeing the contents of the closet over to the unmade bed. "I thought Harvard had standards."

"And what's  _that_  supposed to mean?" an irritated voice snaps from the doorway.

Sasuke turns to stare at the newcomer: a blond, stereotypical cornfed American with a permanent tan and ostensibly more muscle than brain.

"It means you're a slob," Sasuke enunciates clearly in English.

"I'm in the middle of unpacking," the newcomer says defensively, striding into the room and folding his arms at Sasuke in defiance. "No one's organized when they're unpacking."

"I am," Sasuke replies, casting his eyes about the room once more. "And judging from the leftover ramen stains, you've been here a few weeks. It's disgusting."

"Pretty judgy for someone who just showed up here without even introducing himself. The way I see it,  _you're_  the one that was probably raised in a barn." There's no actual heat behind the insult, however, a beat later the guy grins. "So, being the awesome guy that I am, I'll give you that freebie and introduce myself first. Show you how it's done, you know?"

Sasuke's jaw clenches and his new roommate vaults himself backward onto his bed, looking inexcusably comfortable doing so.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki—"

_Japanese? That's unexpected…_

"—I like instant ramen in a cup, but I hate the three minutes you have to wait after you pour the water in the cup. My hobby's eating different kind of ramen and comparing them—"

_Simple-minded. Not so unexpected._

"—and my future dream is to be the President of the United States!"

Sasuke snorts. "Given the current state of politics, I'm not sure that's the noblest of ambitions."

"Are you kidding? That's exactly  _why_  I have to become President!"

Sasuke thinks he maintains remarkable restraint by not commenting on that.

A heavy, expectant silence fills the air between them, before Naruto prompts, "Well?"

"Well what?"

"This is the point in the conversation where you introduce yourself. Geez, and  _you_  were the one worried about Harvard's standards?"

Sasuke glares, not sure if he's more annoyed at the reminder of social protocol, or the fact that his roommate understood him earlier. "I am Uchiha Sasuke."

He doesn't pretend it's nice to meet the other guy.

Naruto sniggers. "Heh. Sauce- _gay_. Your parents must have hated you."

"Says the guy named after a fish," Sasuke shoots back, inexplicably unable to keep his temper. Something about this  _usaratonkachi_  just rubs him the wrong way.

"Yeah, but most people don't know that," the bastard retorts smugly.

Sasuke grits his teeth and returns his attention to unpacking, trying to regain his usually unruffled composure.

_No comic book collection is worth this guy._

"So, you're from Japan, right? Tokyo by the sound of it. It's funny, there are a  _lot_  of Asian kids starting this year." He makes a sudden exclamation. "Dude! I should introduce you to my other friends and we can form, like, a club! Or, you know, join one, since I bet they already have one here."

"No thanks," Sasuke replies. "I didn't come here to socialize."

Naruto laughs. "Then you're in the wrong college, man, it's  _all_  about the socialising."

"No, it's about networking."

"There's a difference?"

"Yes. Making connections to serve you later in life is very different from doing keg stands in a pool."

"And what movie were you watching when you made that giant leap?" Naruto snorts. "Geeze, you're the unfunnest dude ever."

"If that's an example of your vocabulary, how are you even here?" Sasuke sneers.

"Hockey scholarship."

"Of course."

Naruto starts going on about all the activities and parties he intends to attend, and Sasuke tunes him out, carefully arranging several binders, his booklist and schedule of classes on the cleanest part of his desk. At the back of his mind, he evaluates the probability of a room switch at this juncture in the year.

_It's probably a useless endeavour this close to the start of the term._

As if he senses the direction of his thoughts, Naruto comments, "Aren't you cutting it kind of close showing up the day before classes? Everyone else I know has been here for ages."

"It wasn't decided that I would be coming here until recently."

"Huh. What are you studying?"

"Economics."

"Ugh. Boring. Got any interesting electives?" And before Sasuke can reply, the guy has snatched up his class schedule and glances over it. "Oh, hey!  _Introduction to the Modern Novel_. I've got that one too!" Now Sasuke  _really_  wants to switch. Dorms or classes, he's not particularly fussed about which. "Well, if it's really boring, we can sit and watch girls. Chicks are always taking those Lit. courses."

Sasuke cracks his knuckles, wanting to hit the other man if he doesn't drop his property  _this instant_.

By some miracle, Naruto does just that, and then heads for his closet. "Anyway, I just came back to change shirts. It's hot as hell out there! I think I may have sweat off like three pounds today." He pulls off his short and grabs an equally rumpled one from the floor. "I'm going to meet some of my friends for a bite, want to tag along? I can introduce you to everyone."

"No. I have to unpack."

"Aw, come on, you can do that any time! Before you know it, school's gonna be started up and all the studying starts and people stop being fun."

"I still have to get my books," Sasuke replies, confused as to why he's  _justifying_  himself to this person. "And then I'm going to sleep."

"Oh, yeah—jet lag! I had that for a while after I flew out from Cali. Totally got you there, man," Naruto nods. "Well, then I'll try to be quiet when I come in. Can't promise I won't be in late, though—kind of hard being popular, am I right?"

He doesn't wait for an answer, instead snapping off a salute and exiting the room just as suddenly as he appeared.

Sasuke pauses for several seconds, taking in the sudden silence left in his roommate's wake, and then allows himself to sit on his bed. Exhaustion washes over him from the short, intense social interaction—how is it that a person can suck all the air out of the room?—and nearly twenty-four hours of being awake.

サクラ

A fit of melancholy hits Sakura the day before classes start. Scrolling through the photos on her phone, she accidentally swipes too far backward and lands on a photo of herself and Sasuke. It's a selfie taken at a bad angle, with him looking like his typically hard-done-by self and Sakura sticking out her tongue and flashing a peace-sign.

Sakura bites her lip, flicking through her contacts to the number she knows by heart, and wonders if maybe now—

"Just call him already," Ino grumbles from across the room where she's putting on a second coat of scarlet nail polish.

"He won't want to talk to me."

"You don't know that."

"It's been months. Trust me, he won't."

"That's why you should have texted him your new number when you got here," Ino retorts. "I told you to, didn't I?"

"And not talking to him for weeks isn't any better than months," Sakura shoots back. "It would have been weird and awkward and  _horrible_."

"And the longer you put it off, the more time goes past, and the more 'weird and awkward and  _horrible_ ' it's going to be. Just get it over with."

"It's not that easy…"

"Oh, would you grow a pair, Forehead?" Ino complains, sitting up straight and glaring at her. "I mean, I admit that the start of this may be a bit my fault, but you're the one who's been drawing it out like a coward."

"I am  _not_  drawing it out on purpose, and-wait." Sakura's spirited retort cuts off and she narrows her eyes at Ino. "What do you mean, it was you fault at the start?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Ino growls, taking Sakura by surprise because she can't remember the last time Ino did something so plebeian as  _swear_. The blond strides over and plants herself in front of Sakura, hand on her hip very at odds with the aggrieved expression on her face. "I have something to tell you."

"Ino…"

Her friend holds up her hand, stopping her from continuing. "Before school ended, Sasuke came to me and he wanted to know what was going on with you—I  _didn't_  tell him, so don't look at me like that. It was your business if you wanted to tell him or not, but I could see what it was doing to you, seeing him trying to get you alone, and you were finally starting to open up and be you again, so I told him to give you a little space."

_"Ino!"_

"I didn't tell him to leave you alone  _forever_ ," Ino snaps. "I just said that when you were ready, you would come to him. Because I  _honestly_  thought you  _would._  I mean, you were already sort of answering his texts and emails and stuff again, so I figured it was a matter of time before you had the big, soppy reunion. But then…" She shrugs, not meeting Sakura's gaze. "It never happened. And I thought maybe you were actually trying to move on from him, not just…learn to keep who you are  _and_  be with him."

Sakura is unable to speak, her fists clenched so tightly her fingernails bite into the flesh of her palm.

"And that's a good thing," Ino goes on, "because the way you two were before wasn't good. You were moulding yourself to be what he needed, and he couldn't walk out the door unless you were three feet away from him. I'm surprised he wasn't glued to your side every time we went out in a group. Don't you see, Sakura? You guys were going to strangle each other like weeds if something drastic didn't happen."

There's nothing here Sakura can argue with, even though she desperately wants to. As it is, it takes monumental effort to unclench her jaw to speak; she doesn't maintain the same control over her tone, though.

"Ino, this wasn't your business!"

"The hell it—"

"This was something Sasuke and I should have figured out for ourselves!"

"When?" Ino shoots back in challenge. "After you slid into some relationship of convenience, without even talking about anything, and just stayed together because it's something you always did? And not even  _together_ -together?"

"That's not what we—"

"I don't want that for you—for either of you! Don't forget, Forehead, I've known him just as long as you have, so he's important to me, too." Ino draws in a deep breath, waiting for Sakura to offer a rejoinder, but when she can't, she goes on cautiously. "I want you both to be happy. And you had to face what was wrong if you ever wanted a chance at that."

"But now there's no chance because I'm  _here_  and he's back home!" Sakura protests. "And his parents have probably picked him out some business tycoon's daughter to start dating, and—"

"And if he goes along with something like that, then he doesn't deserve you anyway. Don't you see? It's a win-win situation."

"There is no winning here! You don't understand what it's been like for me the past few months!"

"Don't I? It's been like watching a wilted daffodil trying to come back to life. But Sakura, you're strong, and I know you can do it."

" _I_  know I can do it too!" Sakura snaps. "But don't you see, Ino? I shouldn't have had to in the first place."

"Oh my god, have you not been listening to a word I just—"

"No, I have. And you're right. What Sasuke and I were doing…it wasn't the right way. But we should have had a chance to figure it out together, instead of…why did you let me come here, when you—?"

"Hey! No way you get to blame  _all_  of this on me," Ino shoots back. "You made a bad judgement call. A few of them. But so did Sasuke. And while I own that I should have said something sooner, you've got to admit that the whole reason this happened is because  _neither_  of you knows how to communicate with the other one. I know you've both got this weird… _awareness_  of each other where you just magically intuit what the other needs or feels, but you've both been relying on that for so long that you forget that normal human beings actually have to talk every now and then.  _Especially_  when it comes to relationships. And then on top of that, neither you nor Sasuke can do things half-way, you're such damn over-achievers…You're either completely glommed together or completely apart, and it's like there's no fucking in-between." The blond looks speculative for a moment, and then points out, " _Literally_  no fucking from what I—"

" _Ino, now is not the time!"_  Sakura feels like tearing her hair out, staring at her best friend in horror and anger and shame because there's nothing completely wrong with anything Ino has said. "You're talking about this whole thing like you understand what it's like to be in it, and you just…you  _don't_!"

Sakura has never felt so disconnected from her before, and at the sudden flash of hurt in Ino's eyes, she realises that the other girl not only feels this, but also recognises the truth in that statement.

"You're right," Ino sighs, eyes downcast and hair falling over her face, either to hide her hurt or in penitence. Maybe both. "I don't get it—the whole  _true love_  thing. All my boyfriends have been just that: boyfriends. I've never had this whole…" She trails off, gesturing artlessly as she searches for the word, "— _phantom limb_  situation going on that you do. And honestly, speaking as an observer? I hope it never happens to me."

And Sakura doesn't even know what to say to that, because agreeing saying she hopes Ino never goes through it feels more meanspirited than kind.

Her anger and pain drain out of her so quickly then that she's overcome with a sweeping sense of exhaustion. She falls back on her bed, numb; slowly, she pulls up her knees to her chest, folding her arms on top of them and buries her face in the gape there. Tears of frustration leak down her cheeks and trail down her thighs.

_How did all of this get so…messed up?_

"Do you want me to go?" Ino asks hesitantly. "Give you some space?"

"…."

"Do you want me to sit here with you?"

"…"

There's a moment of silence where no one in the room moves, and then Sakura feels her bed shift as Ino carefully sits down beside her.

They stay like that for a while, until Sakura sniffs and mutters into her knees, "You're a meddling bitch, you know that."

"I know," Ino says, in a tone that is apologetic but also resigned; they both know that's not something that's going to change any time soon. But she takes it as an invitation to scoot closer; Sakura lets herself go boneless, leaning into Ino's shoulder while the other girl wraps her arm around her shoulder and keeps her in place. "Forgive me?"

"Not today."

"Maybe tomorrow?"

"No."

"Maybe three and a half days from now?"

"…Possibly."

"Okay."

"And just so you know, I'm only allowing  _this_  because my mom's not here and I don't know any of the other girls well enough to complain about you to them yet."

Ino squeezes her around the shoulder and sighs. "Yeah, I know, Forehead."

"…Pig."

つづく

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * * *
> 
> _I was going to have the big reunion happen here, but then I decided we needed to have a sense of time and distance between them. Also, a few issues had to be addressed, as well as some questions from readers that I've gotten in the past months. Also, in-keeping with the theme of "lean on me", this chapter is really about Sakura and Sasuke being able to lean on the people in their lives…even if they only just met them hehheh._
> 
> _I don't know when I'll get back to this one, but hopefully it's sooner than before! For more information regarding updates, original stories or just to get in contact with me, check out my Twitter (Typewriter Ninjutsu at KuriQuinn)_
> 
> _All my love in the new year!_
> 
> _栗_

**Author's Note:**

> * * *
> 
> _Thank you all for reading! Reviews and concrit are much appreciated. News about updates or how to support my writing can be found on my tumblr page._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> クリ


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